Selfless
by masque queen
Summary: et You can't save everyone from their share of pain in this world.
1. Unexcused Absences

I'm sorry.  
  
I'm sorry I left.  
  
I'm sorry for you're heartbreak.  
  
I'm sorry I wanted to steal you away.  
  
I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.  
  
Time really doesn't make anything any better. It just leaves things unsaid to go on unsaid. Time worsens the scars and reciprocates the healing. The scars will burn forever besmirched on my skin and eternally remind me of what could never be.  
  
I beg of you nothing more than to release me. Have mercy on my dying soul and give me peace. Let me go the way I never could let you go. Learn from my foolish mistakes and do everything ahead of time. Please, forgive me for not telling you everything.  
  
I did it for you. Don't take what I've done and throw it away. Live on happy like I intended you to. Grow old and die knowing that you won't be alone. I'll be there for you. If not now, I will be there later.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
" Hey, you've reached the Eriol's cell. Leave your number and your message and I'll get back to you as soon as I get this. Thanks."  
  
She clicked the phone off. 'What have you been doing this whole week?' Yawning, she stretched herself out onto her bed. Her best friend has been gone all week and doing something she didn't know about. It was his birthday this week and she didn't even get a chance to call and say Happy Birthday to him. Neither did she get to tell him how much she cared. He has a girlfriend, but that if she doesn't tell him now, how will she be able to move on? 'You've stolen my heart. What do I have to do to tell you that? I can't keep going on seeing you in someone else's arms. Am I supposed to wait until you feel the same? What do I have to do to get you in my arms? What do I have to say to get to your heart when I don't know how to start?'  
  
Sleep. Sleeping will make everything go away if at least only for so long. 


	2. Love's Not A Many Splendored Things

After so long, she woke up to the knock of her bedroom door.  
  
" Tomoyo? Darling? Are you ok? ...Is this about the doctor's visit?"  
  
" No, mother. No."  
  
" Well, I just want you to know that the doctor said we had to run a few blood tests before they know for sure what it is. In the meantime, don't worry. ...Honey? Honey, please let me see your face instead of the bed covers."  
  
" No, it's not that and no. I just like talking to people with my head under my covers."  
  
" Is it -is it because of Kai? Honey, he's loved you for so long. He wants nothing, but the best for you. He'll be so good to you. I have a feeling about this. He always speaks the best you. I know he'll take care of you."  
  
" You told him, didn't you?"  
  
" ..."  
  
" You did. You gave him my hand and then you told him."  
  
To many if not all girls, this matter was very much important, a turning point in her life, but Tomoyo didn't seem to care anymore. Her monotonous voice proved to that.  
  
Surprised, Sonomi hesitantly brought herself to ask, " You're -You're not mad?"  
  
" There's nothing left to be mad at. Let me ask you this mother. When will our 'marriage' take place? At least let me know one thing you did without telling me."  
  
" It'll be a quiet wedding. A quiet, secluded cove. Kai told me you loved the beach. There's supposed to be this piece of land that outlooks the western shore of the beach. It will be breath-taking."  
  
" Mother?"  
  
" Yes, darling?"  
  
".... I love you. Thank you for all your concern, but I need you to please leave. I'm feeling a bit drowsy. I haven't had any sleep." Her voice quavered.  
  
" Oh... I'm sorry. You go to bed then. I'll have Yumi bring you some soup once you wake."  
  
" -One more thing, mother. Please, for my sake, please do not tell anyone else about my 'condition'. Like you said, we're not sure yet, right?"  
  
" Yea---yes. We're not sure of anything yet. I promise not 'another' soul shall know of this."  
  
The door closed. She drew the covers down and reached for a tissue. Rain poured outside like the tears inside her room. She stuck her cold hands under pillow for warmth and proceeded to her slumber.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Ding Dong.  
  
Gasping for air, she awoke. The sky was dark. Her clock marked 8 of the evening. She was sweating profusely. Brushing her forehead with the back of her hand, she called out for her maid. The grumbling in her stomach was growing inside her. Finally, she heard a creak. She turned.  
  
"Oh, Yumi, it's very hot in -. Oh! It's you."  
  
" Yea... me." He walked over to her bedside. " You're not feeling well, are you?" His forehead creased with concern.  
  
" I-I-I'm fine. Just a bit of a fever. It's nothing to get worked up for. Why are you here? Is something wrong?"  
  
" Go to bed. I'll take care of -." He reached for her forehead.  
  
" No. Don't," She flinched from his touch. " Just tell me what's wrong."  
  
" Nothing's wrong, Tomoyo. Actually, nothing has happened. Well, nothing bad that is."  
  
" Oh.... what is it?" She tilted her head the way a child did to look into the face of his drooping head. " Won't you tell me?" Curiosity dripped from her lips.  
  
" Of course I will! I came here to tell you about it. You shall be the first to know. Kaho and I want you to be part of it!" A maniacally smile plastered itself onto his countenance.  
  
" Wha -what is it?" Tomoyo asked pulling back a bit. ' I'm not so sure, I want to know.'  
  
It didn't seem like he could hold his excitement in any longer. Whatever it is, he was bursting to tell her.  
  
" ...We're getting married! Isn't that wonderful, Tomoyo?! Oh, and I want you to be there! If I could, I'd place you as the maid of honor, but as you women well know, the bride does that. Oh man, when I asked her, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where to start!"  
  
'I've been there before' thought Tomoyo sorrowfully.  
  
" I was so nervous, I'm sure that if you were there with me, you'd laugh yourself to death. 'Tell them you love them, until it's too late and you can't turn back.' You always said that to me. so. I just came out with it. I bent down on one knee and just said it to her---."  
  
' And I bet she said yes.'  
  
" And she said yes. Simple as that. I would've told you earlier, but every time I called, your maids told me you were asleep or you weren't accepting any phone calls."  
  
" That's great, Eriol. I'm very happy for you." Her tone was not convincingly ecstatic enough and so he turned to her.  
  
" What's wrong? I mean -besides the fact that you're sick."  
  
" I can't say."  
  
" What?! Why not? How long have we been good friends? Is this really that important to not tell me? C'mon, Tomoyo. I told you about my news. What of yours? Is it bad?"  
  
" In a way, yes it is, but then again, it's not bad." Her eyes cast themselves down.  
  
" Well, are you planning on telling me?"  
  
" I-I'm getting married." A crooked expression lined her divine "petal" mouth.  
  
A supportive grin made itself into an incredulous beam.  
  
" Oh man! You too?! This is so crazy! Who would've thought that we were going to get married at the same time? this is great. Where is it going to be?"  
  
" Our cove."  
  
The smirk disappeared rapidly from his façade. " Our-our. our cove? You told them? A--- about our cove?"  
  
" No. Never. But Kai knew I loved the beach and so he went searching for the perfect place to hold our wedding and he accidentally stumbled upon it. He wanted us to have our sunset."  
  
" Oh." 'But it's "our" sunset.'  
  
" Are you mad?" A questioning air touched her features.  
  
" No. Why should I be? It wasn't your fault he found it. Do-do you love him?"  
  
" I don't know. I'm not sure..."  
  
" How could you go through with it like this?"  
  
" It's simple."  
  
He shook his head. " You're not yourself. You haven't been yourself for the last year."  
  
" Eriol?"  
  
" What?"  
  
Her voice lowered to a solemn whisper. " You're angry with me."  
  
He showed guilt, but at the same time was stubborn enough to try and hide it. " No I'm not. I just hate to see it when people go against their own beliefs. You always told me to follow my heart to where it may lead it. Love cannot be interfered with and yet you don't love this man and you're going to marry him. For what? For his wealth?"  
  
She tried to reason. Tried to explain to him. " Eriol, sometimes things don't happen the way you want it to. I was foolish. I believed in things that have been proven wrong. And for that I'm sorry I've placed such absurd ideas into your head. Love can't fix everything. I finally know the true meaning of love."  
  
He lifted his brow and patronizingly rolled his eyes. " I can't believe you're saying this. You're surely too sick to realize what you're even saying."  
  
She was growing angry with him. ' How can he be saying all this, when he was the very person that proved wrong all her ideas and beliefs.' " Leave, Eriol. Just leave me alone."  
  
He looked at her in shock conviction. She has never, in their friendship; wanted him removed from her sight. " Is that really what you want? You aren't my Tomoyo."  
  
" I don't belong to anyone." her voice was breaking. He was unconvinced. She could see it in his eyes.  
  
" Call me when Tomoyo comes back, alright?"  
  
He briskly walked out and slammed the door.  
  
Sleeping never felt so good until that night. Time is unchanging there. Unchanging like the rain that poured in her heart and that night. 


	3. Simply Kai

["IMPORTANT" A/N: For those of you who go around criticizing other people's work. do what you want, but I'm not going to change how I do things. I'm sorry if I'm not all hardcore about this as you, but hey, I'm a freaking amateur and it's quite obvious that I'm not as perfect as you "dubbed" writers are, so screw off if you don't have anything good to say. Just don't read it. I'm not going to die if no one reads this stuff. I do it out of sheer pleasure of having nothing to do. So, to "those" people, don't tell me "oh yea. please don't write in slang" or " You're story is shifting scenes unclearly" or whatever it is you have to say. If you want me to write more and go on with my story, then give me a shout-out. If you don't? I'm doing it, anyways. Happy? Well I hope you, have a nice day.]  
  
Chapter 3: Kai  
  
The sunbeams crept their way through the blinds onto the porcelain doll. Pale as the night moon, hair dark as the night sky, and mouth as red and full as the petal of a newly bloomed rose. Dawn arrived as these sunbeams touch the surface of this porcelain doll. Like the magic that touched Pinocchio, these rays of light stir the dark-haired doll. A twitch of her eyes, the flinch of her mouth, and the lift of a tired finger revealed the indication of life. Yes. The autumn child of September has awakened.  
  
She slowly felt the surge of energy radiate through her body; the frail body of a girl no older than sixteen. A renewed life ran from the very tip of her skull down through her spine to the tips of her toes. She has undergone an eternity since her strength returned. Seven of the morning marked her clock as she slowly willed herself from upon the heap down comforters. A curl of her dark hair drooped from her head. She twisted the panels of her blinds and recoiled from the eye-blinding light that burned her eyes. She turned away from the luminosity like she did someone the night before.  
  
Her light, dainty, little feet drew back from the coldness of her dark wood floors. Baring the freezing tingle on the pads of her feet, she gradually made her way out her bedroom door onto the carpet that covered her home's hallways and stairs. A step at the time and with one hand on the cherry wood railing, she leisurely went downstairs. Upon meeting the black marble tiles of the foir, she disappeared into the side hall and into the chef's kitchen out looking the herb garden and fountain fall in the side yard.  
  
" Mademoiselle! You are sick! I will call for Yumi!" The Chef reached for the intercom.  
  
" No, no! Please! I'm fine. I'm feeling quite better. It was just mere fever. I'm all right. There is no need for this entire racket so early in the morning."  
  
" This is not acceptable at all! You will go back upstairs and rest yourself. God knows when a wind might hit and blow your frail self into the heavens. I will send for Yumi immediately!" He reached for the intercom button again, but not before stopped him with a tug to his arm.  
  
" My mother told you, too, didn't she?" She knew somehow the word would slip and the household will know of her situation.  
  
Silence. There was that awkward moment. She tried her best to convincingly change the subject.  
  
" Tell me, I'm hungry, is there anything to eat, Paolo?"  
  
" Oh -of course. You sit yourself there and I'll get you some of the European dishes you love so much. Will Eriol join us today, Miss? He loves these morning European dishes, would you like me to call -?"  
  
" No! I'm quite sure he is very busy this morning with his work and wedding plans arriving so soon."  
  
" I see, but he made sure, I think, that he came and dropped these flowers off himself, this morning." Paolo turned towards the vase of wildflowers sitting on the sill and carefully picked it up and placed it on the bar table next to her.  
  
" Oh and I forgot," Paolo reached into his shirt pocket, " He told me to make sure that you received this note. Here, open it."  
  
Tomoyo took the handed envelope and peeled open the flap.  
  
Hey Tomoyo,  
  
I'm sorry about last night. I should've congratulated on your wedding arrangement instead of ranting on about your notions and opinions on love. I guess the green monster just came out and I became aware of the fact that I'm going to have to let you go. You are my dearest friend and I will always hold you close to my heart. Wherever you may go, I will be there to support you. I know that we're both eloping early for our age and that I shouldn't be asking you this, but I can't help myself. Do you really love him? I meant Kai. You are only sixteen. I know I'm only eighteen, but I'm still older and I just wanted you to think this through. I must stop now, or else my concern in your decisions will drive me crazy and I might, accidentally, slip something offensive. .  
  
Much Love, Eriol  
  
She closed the letter. She held tight onto what may be the last letter Eriol will ever write to her before he became a married man. Every single word she read broke her weak heart a little bit more. She wanted to push it away to oblivion. She wanted her bed. She wanted to bury herself.  
  
" I'm so sorry for all your trouble, but Paolo, I'm feeling once again a bit weak. I don't think I will be able to endure eating this morning. I am, truthfully, sorry."  
  
" I understand. There is no reason to be sorry. After all, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'll have Yumi bring it up to you when you're ready. Can u manage the stairs?"  
  
" I will be fine, thank you. Winter always makes me a bit weak inside even if I'm not sick. I will see you later. Thank you, once again."  
  
She got off her stool, but before turning back and reaching for a single wildflower. She took the long way and went across the living room and toward the entrance of her staircase. Before stepping onto the first step, the door chime rang. Hesitantly, she grasped hold of the silver brass knob to the front door. ' Might as well open the door while I'm up.'  
  
A cold gust of wind chilled her. She focused to see who was at the door with her dark ringlets blowing and arms wrapped around the buttoned-up shirt she wore. Wind and snow rushed inside the room frosting her unclothed feet and rosy cheeks. Then she saw him amidst the entire flurry.  
  
" Kai?" she said in a meek little voice.  
  
" Tomoyo! Why are you answering doors and not in your bed: safe and warm?!" He barged through the door and abruptly closed it. " Dear one, you shouldn't be down here and so thinly dressed. Tomoyo?" She looked at him with stillness. " Tomoyo, are you ok?"  
  
A haze filmed her dull eyes. ' It wasn't Eriol. It wasn't Eriol.' Her mind closed all connections to her limbs. She fell into void.  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
Warm. Slippery, wetness of an unknown substance was poured down through her throat. Yearning for the grace of the air to touch her lungs she sat up to spew at the liquid.  
  
" Tomoyo!"  
  
She tried to converge the images of the man before her. Someone who was the owner of brown, wispy hair; a skinny, concerned face; a dimpled smile of relief; and caramel eyes. Someone who wasn't Eriol. It was Kai. She gave way into his lean body, half-awake.  
  
Kai. Someone she could call her own and who willingly followed her to the ends of the earth. What more could a girl want? He surely was one of the most charming men she had ever met in her life. The definition of Kai would be: sweet, hardworking, caring, considerate, and comforting. His loving eyes looked into a person's soul and engulfed the person's heart with pure reliability. Kai was one who you could always rely on. She admired him for every aspect of his personality and his looks. He was, in other words, perfect. He was the boy every girl wanted to live next to. He was simply Kai. He lent a hand when needed and he always knew what to do when things go bad. Simply Kai. He had always been there for her every need. She held him close to her heart as Eriol held her close to his heart.  
  
" Tomoyo?" he broke the silence.  
  
" Yes?"  
  
" I know your mom had already agreed to my proposal to you, but what of you?"  
  
Silence. That damn uncomfortable pause. ' What is there to think about? I could not ask for someone so caring, so loving, and so respectful to my own needs as I can him. Eriol is moving onto a different part of his life. I might as well move on with someone as Kai. Damn the mixed emotions of a teenage girl.'  
  
" I concur with her. I could not ask for someone like yourself."  
  
" Tomoyo?"  
  
" Yes?"  
  
" I love you."  
  
" I -I love you too." 


	4. Just Breathe

Chapter 4: Just Breathe  
  
She never saw Eriol since that fateful night or heard from him since that fateful letter. No calls, no visits, no nothing. She hasn't heard from him or from the news of her "condition". They still haven't found the root of her problems. Oddly enough, things are looking up for her. Her health seems to strengthen. Yet, the tears of fall are passing and the earth is changing. Adaptation is her key in surviving. And to adapt, what must she do? How will she move on with the world when her heart holds back?  
  
Simple. Just fake it. Wing it all and it'll be fine. Christmas is nearing. With any luck, the joy it brings will momentarily steal away the little deaths she holds inside. It has always been able to lift her a spirit a bit. In her time of need, maybe it will spare her some sorrow.  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
- December 23 -  
  
" I like this one."  
  
" Do you really, Mother?"  
  
" Yes. Hurry now, Kai will be here to pick you up in an hour."  
  
She stared transfixed at the many dresses laid before her. A pair of eyes was on her and she uncomfortably shifted a bit with unease.  
  
" Are you positive you'll be all right tonight? Tomoyo. you---you don't always have to be strong like this. No matter what, Kai and myself will always be there for you. If you're not feeling up to ---."  
  
" Mother, stop. I'm ok. Really! Don't worry about me. Haven't you seen me get better? This is a sign!" A rapturous smile spread across her face.  
  
Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. An accidental slip of a tear stained her mother's cheek. Her mother was strong. Never does she shed a tear. She was afraid to know what's wrong. Her gulp was made audible as she cautiously opened her mouth and asked.  
  
" Mother? Mother. What's wrong? Look at me. What happened? Did something at work go wrong?"  
  
A pitiful attempt of a genuine smile was displayed on her mother's façade.  
  
" No, dear. It wasn't work. It's nothing. It's nothing."  
  
She was meandering on dangerous grounds. She discontinued her pursue.  
  
" Ok then. Look, I'll wear this one. If I recall right, you did like this one the best." Tomoyo grinned light-heartedly.  
  
She sniffed. " Yes, yes. That will look great on you tonight. Kai is so lucky to have someone like you, daughter. Strong, beautiful, kind, understanding, hardworking. Traits of a perfect wife. You make me proud of what you have become."  
  
" HaHa, mother! What has come over you? You act as if Kai will carry me off and never bring me back home to you again. Really, mother. You are ever too paranoid. Now if you excuse me, I have a ball awaiting me in an hour and a bath to attend to."  
  
" Alright. You do that. Don't stay in the water too long, though. You might catch a cold."  
  
" Fine, fine, Mum. Will do. Now shoo. Go downstairs and have Paolo make you something. You're looking awfully stressed out. Do find some rest tonight. I don't want a sick mother when I am just feeling better." Tomoyo directed her mother to the door and gently pushed it shut.  
  
Pinning her hair, she slipped out of her attire and slithered into the ivory bathtub.  
  
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[At the Christmas gathering.]  
  
" Are you doing ok, Tomoyo? If you're feeling the least bit weak, I'll --- ."  
  
Kai looked at her. She smiled warmly and held his arm closer to her.  
  
" It's alright. I'll be fine."  
  
' Fake it.' The thought running through her mind. ' You've seen Eriol and the way he treats [his] Kaho. You told me I was a girl of many masks, Eriol. Well, it's time to prove that.'  
  
" I'm glad you are fine. It's been a while since we last met." She released a small gasp. ' That wasn't Kai's voice.'  
  
She closed her eyes and turned her heels, holding in her breath.  
  
However, Kai tugged her gently to where Eriol stood beside Kaho at the entrance. " Hey! We haven't seen you either, Eriol. Man, is this Kaho? She's a beauty. Got yourself a lucky man."  
  
There he went. Unknowingly exhibiting the charm that was natural to him. 'Deep breaths. Just breathe. You're both in different stages in life. Let him go.'  
  
She cleared her throat and held out her delicate little hand in Eriol's direction. " It was nice once meeting you again." Tomoyo plastered on her 'genuine smile' and persisted on. He was confused. She knew it.  
  
" Uhh. Yea. It's nice seeing you as well." He reluctantly took her hand. She held ready to shake, but the moment her hand advanced to any movement, he held it steady and brushed his lips against her skin. The whole time, his mischievous eyes penetrated her own with a sting. She looked away for fear of the threatening tears.  
  
" We have much to catch up on."  
  
" Yes, we ---."  
  
" That's all very nice. If you don't mind, Eriol, I must steal away Tomoyo for a dance. We all can't keep a goddess waiting."  
  
He grabbed her hand and anxiously led her through the crowds. Her body hesitantly followed. It was all very warm around her. Loads of people attending Sakura's party stood packed on the dance floor around her. She no longer felt balanced. Her hand still gripping Kai's gripped harder. He noticed the sudden change and looked back. She tried to suppress the coughs that were obvious and slowly sank. Her knees buckled. Her breathing grew raspy and short. She was suffocating.  
  
" Oh, god, Tomoyo?!" He bent down to her. Panic struck her face. She can't intake the air. " Tomoyo, precious. Calm down. Calm down. Look at me--."  
  
She shook her head ferociously. He forcefully drew her chin to face him. She pleaded for him to do something. His heart broke. She looked at him. Unable to breathe, unable to speak, but her eyes were still alert with brimming tears. " Tomoyo!"  
  
His alarming cry brought hundreds of the guests to his attention. The footsteps of four people weaved in and out of the crowd that now surrounded the fallen victim and the boy in panic.  
  
" Tomoyo!" both Sakura and Eriol yelled simultaneously.  
  
Sakura took hold of the situation. " Kaho! Get a hold of the hospital. Li, go call for Aunt Sonomi. The rest of you guys: Thank you for coming, but this gathering has been abruptly cut short. I wish you all to best during these happy holidays."  
  
Sakura's final words sent the all visitors curiously gathering their belongings and heading for home.  
  
" Honey, baby, look at me. You've still some breath in you. Calm down and more air will be able to make its ways to your lungs. Someone go get me a cold washcloth, dammit!"  
  
Kai scrambled from his position of holding Tomoyo to find that "damn" washcloth. In his place, Eriol substituted. Beads of sweat held on her brow. Eyes dulling and wandering, her clenched fists bared into her palm. She focused on Sakura as Sakura muttered a charm. Eriol held her tight calming her from her struggling. With Sakura still holding Tomoyo's hand, she and Eriol muttered little incantations in unison.  
  
Eriol stopped as Sakura went on. He was afraid. He was panicking, but he refuses to show it. He was always in control. Always. No one could break him, thus, but he couldn't deny the uncontrollable dread that brewed within. What happens if she didn't make it through this? He didn't even want to think of such things. As if by a twist of fate, as he thought of how she would come out of this setting, his train of thoughts was interrupted when the hand he held loosened its grip. Her refined hand rested against his own emotionless and her head of silk hair slumped against his chest.  
  
Without thought, he brought her impassive body closer to his own and cradled her fretfully. He hysterically whispered her name over and over again lest she was able to hear him. He lifted her body slightly so her lolling head rested upon the crook of his shoulder as he whispered, " Tomoyo, dear one. How will I go on without your support? Come back."  
  
[A/N: Meh. this chapter was probably confusing. If you got any questions just put it in a review and I'll post my reasons next chapter.] 


	5. Remembering You

Chapter 5: Remembering You  
  
Breathe.  
  
She's breathing. She heard me. She came back and she'll be ok. She'll be ok. All will be fine. We'll see happier days. Come spring, we'll be in the meadows. Carefree like we always are. Counting clouds, arguing about which cloud is what, having those long talks of where we'll be one day, and how we're going to get there. If we'll still be friends. When we'll get married.  
  
Marriage. It's unrealistic. No. We won't have those happy days anymore because come spring, I'll be married. Then summer. Summer when we would usually spent most of our days at the beach walking up and down the shores and finding crabs. Spending our time at our 'cove'. Our secret. Then again, that won't happen either because come summer, she'll be married. Our days are numbered.  
  
We're leaving each other's shores if not already. Time blows by like the winter wind carrying away the last dried leaf of autumn. People leave and people change.  
  
You changed. And perhaps, I have as well and I just don't know it.  
  
Is that why you flinched when I tried to touch you? Did I really change all that much? If not that, then what? Something's wrong and you won't tell me. You always told me, but you're holding back. It's because I wasn't there, huh?  
  
I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. You've always been afraid of doctors. You didn't like them. You asked if I could come, but I couldn't. I was too busy thinking about Kaho and myself; I wasn't there for you. And you were terrified. I've been there before. I once went with you. It was merely a check-up, but you were nevertheless worried and scared. That was why you drifted away from me. It must be why. I just wasn't there.  
  
You're breathing is improving. God knows what happened last night, but if you had died, I wouldn't know how I was going to go through with this marriage. You, though. You were always there for me. You were and always will be giving, loving, and selfless. You took your time to be there for me. I remember well.  
  
You were so infatuated with that one boy last year. He asked you to his prom, but you refused because I was sick. Seeing as how, I couldn't go to my own prom, you left midway to come stay home with me. You came into my room. Dressed in white, and ran to my bedside. Your hands were cold, but welcoming. My fever grew that night.  
  
I was burning and I couldn't sleep. You were up all night sponging my forehead. You said, " One day, Eriol. We'll be old and retired and we'll be traveling. Like we always wanted to! We'll be somewhere much hotter. We'll be lying on the white sand of a secluded island and the sun will beat down on us burning our very skin. The fire you feel right now will not compare, but we'll be happy. Happier than we could ever imagine. We'll no longer have our own cove, but our own island! Think of it! Our own paradise. We'll have no school or work. We can be there all spring, summer, winter, and fall! That's where we'll be someday." Her grin shone through like the sun when she spoke. She was like the child that fueled everyone's heart and yet, at the same time she was no longer a child anymore.  
  
But there was one thing she forgot. She forgot that our hearts can lead us astray and we would possibly grow old without each other.  
  
I met Kaho. She became what was and still is my heart. And so I was never there for you anymore. You came home sick from the doctor's that one day, but you said you were fine. So I assumed you were. I told you my news and you told me yours. You weren't feeling well so I resentfully walked away when you sent me out.  
  
I should've stayed, but I didn't. I was hurt that you drove me away. I was mad that you changed. I was too proud to return after that and because I didn't, now you're sick. And I wasn't there.  
  
Again.  
  
I'm here now, but you aren't. Not really, at least. You're away in the far depths of your mind weaving in and out of our memories and of your newfound days with him. Kai. You never told me if you loved him or not. But then again, you don't tell me anything anymore.  
  
I can't go through life without my backbone or without you. I can't go with Kaho without knowing you'll be safe. I can't do anything without worrying that winter will come and crush my blossom.  
  
I just want you to come back and tell me everything will be ok. So please wake up.  
  
............................................................................ .......  
  
Loneliness fired fear.  
  
" Eriol?"  
  
Nothing. " Eriol? Eriol. Where are you?" Darkness.  
  
Finally. " Yea, Tomoyo? I'm here."  
  
Black darkness. " I can't see you."  
  
" Don't worry. Listen. I told Kaho."  
  
" What was it that you told her?"  
  
" All we need is each other, right? I told her to go away. So from now on, I'll always be here with you. Wherever it may be. With you there, I'm home. You're all I ever wanted. You're all I'll never need." His voice gentle, yet a bit psychotic.  
  
She gasped. " You didn't. You didn't tell her that."  
  
" But I did. I did it for you. You see, you love me too much and I can't be with Kaho knowing there is someone out there who'll love me more than my own wife will. You're love is unlimited."  
  
" You don't know that. Kaho loves you! You are dear to her! Why do you do this?"  
  
" What do you mean, heart?"  
  
" Why is that every time I forget you, you'll show up at my footsteps and make everything more harder than it already is?"  
  
" What are you trying to tell me?"  
  
Words could not express her anguish. The words she was about to speak tore at her heart and ripped it to pieces. " We're nothing." She whispered.  
  
" What? I can't hear you, now."  
  
" That's just it! You do it! You make it so much harder to do! I SAID WE'RE NOTHING!"  
  
" I love you."  
  
" ERIOL, STOP IT! Kaho loves you so much more! I hate you. I really do. You are nothing to me! Nothing! So just go back to Kaho and live your life. It's over between us. Just leave me alone." What used to sound so hateful and strong now sounded weak as she sobbed in the lonesome darkness that surrounded her being.  
  
He broke her stillness.  
  
" This is Kaho's fault. She did this to you. She'll pay."  
  
Her eyes widened and she finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
" You stay here. I'll be back."  
  
A shadow proceeded down the tunnel. 'God, no. He can't do anything to Kaho! So help me, if he hurts Kaho in any way, I'll kill myself to see him suffer." She quietly took a step forward. He heard it.  
  
" Stay there." He spoke forcefully and ominously. He never spoke to her in such a tone before. She was frightened. Horrified to be more accurate. She had to do something. She took another step forward. He pointed a finger at her and she stiffened.  
  
She couldn't move. Paralysis melted to every joint of her limbs and she fell over.  
  
He closed the door to the tunnel. Tomoyo heard humming among the oblivion she was left in. A song. A song couldn't put her finger on. Something about not meaning to do something. She racked her brain of every memory she possessed. She still couldn't remember because all of sudden a scream pierced the space between her and nothingness.  
  
She jolted. A wash of guilt and uncertainty poured over her. She screamed out as well. Screamed for what she had done to Kaho. What she had turned Eriol into. Her screams broke her 'black hole'. Her surrounding crumbled as she continued to scream out in torment.  
  
It seemed an eternity before she realized her breath ran dry of screams. She had to breathe.  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
Eriol sat in the armchair next to her bed. He sat bent over with his hands supporting his drooping forehead. The quietness of the room and the darkness that loomed over Tomoyo's bed was unbearable. All was lost to him.  
  
The gulp of rushing air alerted his sense.  
  
She's awakened.  
  
She looked around bewildered.  
  
" God, where am I now?!"  
  
Her frantic thoughts were interrupted when a huge weight fell over her. She mindlessly squirmed. And then there it was.  
  
His scent. The flicker of light that came from his glasses every time the moonlight touched it. And the way his hands embraced her back. It was him. It was Eriol.  
  
" What's going on?!" ' Oh god, he came back for me.'  
  
He rambled on. He changed since the last time she saw him before he closed the tunnel door. He was ecstatic. She felt his relief as his breath came bearing down on her hair. She pulled away and brought a hand up to caress his stricken face. He looked at her.  
  
" You don't remember?" She was afraid of what that meant. The last time she remembered, he. He. She wasn't going to think of that sinful deed he carried out.  
  
" Why? What happened?"  
  
" You couldn't breathe! You were dying! You were right there in my arms gasping for breathe."  
  
She remembered now. At least she remembered part of it. She remembered the fear, the hopelessness she felt, and death's presence nearing her.  
  
" I was?" She was incredulous.  
  
His body relocated as he chuckled. His body pressed against her as he held her tight. She embraced him back and savored the moment of when they were never together. It was wrong. The position they were in. If Kaho-if Kaho saw it, she'd hurt. ' No one will hurt, but me.'  
  
" Come now. Eriol I'm fine. You're crushing me." ' Good.' She thought to herself. ' Perfect excuse.'  
  
He slowly got off of her frail body.  
  
" I'm sorry."  
  
She beamed 'that' smile. The smile that makes Eriol go absolutely, bloody mad. ' How can she still smile the way she does after her tribulation?'  
  
He straightened himself up. " Ahem. I'll go get the others. You're mom couldn't bear to see you in your disposition. She'll be down there. She'll be happy."  
  
" Alright."  
  
He strode across the room and twisted the doorknob.  
  
" -Eriol?"  
  
" Yea?"  
  
" Don't be long, alright?" She altered her position uncomfortably. " It's cold up here."  
  
He turned and gave her a promising smile.  
  
As his footsteps progressed downstairs, Tomoyo sat alone contemplating her dream. Nightmare, to be more exact. 


	6. Torn

Chapter 6: Torn  
  
Everyone was around her bed. Eriol looked irritated and everyone else just solemnly looked down at their feet or avoided her gaze in one way or another. No one spoke and there was that unnecessary silence again.  
  
Her mother then broke the silence.  
  
" Tomoyo, you're going to move away for a bit." Everyone's gaze fell onto Sonomi. Everyone except Kai who looked on intently at Tomoyo.  
  
" Why, mother? When are we moving?"  
  
" No, Tomoyo. 'You' are moving."  
  
" Why? Why am 'I' going?"  
  
Kai cut in. " Your mother and I thought it was best to take you out of the big city for a while. We fear the pressure and stress is getting to you --- ."  
  
" -But Aunt Sonomi. Shouldn't Tomoyo see a doctor? I don't think it's the stress that is getting to her."  
  
" No, Sakura. We know a doctor is not necessary. It is nothing. Tomoyo is just tired, is all." Sakura looked skeptically to Syaoran and then to Tomoyo.  
  
Tomoyo masked her "reassuring" smile on. " It's ok, Sakura. I've been feeling a bit loaded anyways. Maybe this will help. I'm not going to disappear from the face of the earth. I'll visit you still. Where are we.... I mean 'I' moving to, Mum?"  
  
" We're taking you to that nice manor next to the sea. Near where you used to stay during the summer. The sea air will make you feel better and refreshed."  
  
" Oh, it'll be fine. I like that place. Eriol and I used to stay there during summer. It's only an hour away. C'mon everyone, don't look so down. Like I said, I'm not disappearing from the face of the earth." Her giggle made everyone a bit more untroubled.  
  
Eriol refused to look at Tomoyo. He was still troubled. He was.... worried, but he didn't know what was going on. She could tell. Throughout the whole conversation, he didn't meet her eyes. Kaho hooked her arm through with his and nudged him to meet her eyes. He did. Her eyes questioned him what was wrong, but he shook his head and continued his 'discussion' with the floor.  
  
Kai's tone brought her to his attention. " I think we should all leave Tomoyo for the time being. She is still tired and it is best she is left alone to recuperate."  
  
Everyone nodded except Eriol still concentrating on the floor. They all walked out the room. Kaho hinted to move, but Eriol stood grounded. He got a bit annoyed. He looked up at Kaho. " You go on ahead. I'll be down in a second. I need a word with Tomoyo before we go back to England."  
  
'England? Why exactly are they going back? What for? Why so soon? They weren't even married.'  
  
Kaho lastly walked out and lightly closed the door. Eriol cautiously looked up at Tomoyo and neared closer to the side of her bed.  
  
" Hey."  
  
" Hi."  
  
" Tomoyo."  
  
" Eriol?"  
  
" I wanted to tell you something before I left."  
  
" Leaving?"  
  
" Yea. leaving."  
  
" But--- but why?"  
  
" Kaho decided she wanted the wedding in England. Don't worry. She wanted to fly everyone from Tomoeda there so you'll all be at the wedding."  
  
" Oh..." Tomoyo's gaze faltered to the wall as Eriol continued on.  
  
" Yea. I need to go, but I can't help wondering if you'll be fine while I'm away. I want you to be safe, alright?"  
  
" Why are you telling me this?"  
  
" Tomoyo, I know. You're not telling me something. Either you're not ready or you don't want to. I worry for what is to come of this 'thing' you refuse to confide with me. I'm suppose to be here and to protect you and I promised you that long ago, but there's some things I must take care of before I can come back and help you."  
  
All the while, his words of concern washed over her, her mind wandered lacing back and forth through her memories to that very day in which his vow took place.  
  
::Flashback...::  
  
" Hey! Eriol! Look! The ocean! Can you see it?! Can you?"  
  
It was their tenth summer. The first summer that they were going to stay at the manor by the sea. All summer long together.  
  
Young master Eriol flopped his head to and fro as he lazily opened one eye.  
  
" Tooommoooyo, I was sleeping!"  
  
" Wake up then! We're here! We're here!" He chuckled and gave a stretch. He brushed the sands of narcosis away from his eyes and peered out his side of the window.  
  
" Hey! You're right! Woah! Look!"  
  
" I already have!" They looked at each other. Their ecstatic fresh eyes met and erupted laughter burst from the backseat.  
  
" Oh man, Tomoyo. This will be the best summer ever!"  
  
And so it was the beginning of their summer and the beginning of great memories soon to be missed.  
  
Weeks went by with unsurpassed fun and careless days of childhood.  
  
Then one day, while Tomoyo and Eriol was swimming home from their newly found cove, Tomoyo caught a rip tide and was carried away from him. The sudden hush alarmed him. He looked around and couldn't find Tomoyo. He never heard a scream escape her mouth. She just... simply vanished.  
  
He yelled her name before he, too, was pulled down and carried farther from shore by the tide.  
  
He saw her. Her rebounding head surfaced the water as she sprouted out water.  
  
" Tomoyo!" he yelled out of relief.  
  
" Eriol?! Where are you? Don't leave me, please!"  
  
" In front of you! Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. Stop being a chicken!" She struggled against water's strength and turned herself in his direction.  
  
" AhEriol! It's pulling me out!"  
  
" Umm. Calm down!" His foot got hold of a reef and he pushed off fast. Going along with the tide, it carried him out towards Tomoyo. He reached out his hand blindly and got a grip of Tomoyo's fingers. " Reach further!" She did. " Gotcha!"  
  
He pulled her towards him and delivered her a heartening smile. " Everything will be ok. Just swim with me. Go sideways. This way."  
  
He led her and himself out of harm's way and slowly made their journey back to shore with her arms hooked tightly around his neck. Afraid of letting go.  
  
Upon coming to contact with the sand massaging the pads of their feet, they crawled onto the seashore and collapsed onto their backs.  
  
" Well wasn't that an adventure. Tomoyo, we should do it more often." His voice glimmered with sarcasm and happy relief. In hoping that he could suppress a laugh out of Tomoyo, he felt the sharp jab of being wrong. He turned his head and glanced at her. Her head was propped against the sky and she had one arm supporting her head. " Are you ok?"  
  
She didn't reply.  
  
" Listen, it's over. We're ok. We'll just have to be more careful, right?"  
  
No reply again. It was awhile later when she actually spoke.  
  
" Eriol, I was scared. I didn't see you. I thought something happened to you until I realized it was me who was in trouble. I thought you had just dropped dead. I thought you were some kind of ghost coming back to haunt me because I wasn't watching after you." She continued to examine the clouds passing by.  
  
" You know, you really should stop staring at the sun. You're eyes will shrivel up and burn into charcoals." She grabbed the shell closest to her and flung it at his head.  
  
" Oww." They looked at each other again and that pointless string of laughter came again. For a while, they just laid there laughing away.  
  
Then they finished and simultaneously heaved a big sigh. Eriol glimpsed at Tomoyo again still seeing the uneasiness that clothed her.  
  
" Tomoyo?"  
  
" Yes?"  
  
" I just wanted you to know. You're my best friend and you always will be. And I'll always be here for you. To protect you like I did today. God knows you're always getting into trouble. Besides, you need someone to look after you." A genuine smile spread across his ten year old face.  
  
He stood up and offered his hand to her. She took his offer and lifted herself from the warm sand. And they lived happily ever after. Or so she wanted to believe.  
  
::End of Flashback...::  
  
" Tomoyo?" She came back to the present. " You're still tired, I'll leave."  
  
He took a step away from her bed when his hand caught in hers.  
  
" Wait." He turned around and bent down to her. " Please, don't leave." Salted tears brimmed on her lower lashes. The voice of the angelic little girl came home. " Don't leave me please."  
  
He came back to her. He wouldn't let his emotions show, but he pushed them aggressively away to the deeper parts of his mind. He situated himself onto her bed and took her hand and pulled her in.  
  
She was enveloped in the warmth of his embrace. Her head leaned into his own and lingered there enough for her to hear his breath in rhythm with her own. She closed her eyes and concentrating on savoring and remember every moment of it. 'Please don't let this be a dream. I need this. I'll fall apart without the memory of this. Once he leaves the shores of Tomoeda, I'll no longer have anything closer than this to remember him by.'  
  
If I should die this very moment.  
I wouldn't fear.  
For I've never known completeness  
Life could give.  
Wrapped in the warmth of you  
Loving every breath of you  
Why live life from dream to dream?  
And dread the day.  
When dreaming ends.  
  
He pulled away. Cupping her face with his palms, he brought his lips toward her. And kissed her forehead like he rarely does. " I have to. I'm not going to disappear from the face of the earth," He unconvincingly tried to lighten the mood. "But I really need to go." He didn't want to meet her eyes anymore. He was torn. Torn between a lover and a friend.  
  
' Selfish... So this is what selfishness is. Being too selfish to let someone go on with their own lives, but anchoring them so they go down with you.'  
  
She brought her hand up and caressed his pale face and he no longer ignored his temptation.  
  
He turned his head and peered into her warm eyes. Trying to read her, but she was as he described " The Mistress of Masks" and even the great Clow reincarnate could not go beyond into the depths of her eyes. All he saw was the support he never rightfully returned to her.  
  
She cast her eyes down in shame. " I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to hold you down like this. I never meant to get between your relationship with Kaho. Kaho is a very special women in your life and I, too, admire her much, but--- but I'm just a girl who you promised to be by. A promise I will not hold unto you. You've already given me so much. It's my turn to repay you."  
  
She tore away from his eyes when she heard the opening of the grand oak door open from downstairs.  
  
" Everyone's leaving. Once more, I'm holding you down. Kaho must be waiting for you downstairs. You must go." He continued to hold his subtle gape when she looked up with her bright, adolescent smile. He didn't know whether he was currently the victim of her "masking" games or if she just wanted him to leave.  
  
He stood up with a pained expression as he spun his heels and slowly made his way out of her room. However, before he closed the door, he slightly turned his face her.  
  
He softly murmured. " I love you. You are the most unselfish and giving person I've ever known. You always will be like the little sister I never had."  
  
He didn't know, but those innocent words he uttered tore and ripped at her heart unlike any pain she ever felt. She didn't dare express the same three words back to him.  
  
If she did, she'd be lying. She'd be horribly denying the truth that stained her heart. For the reason that she loved him so much more that she would risk everything for his own happiness. 


	7. Paranoia

Chapter 7: Paranoia  
  
It's been a week since Eriol left. Soon came the day of Tomoyo's move and many of her friends were upset. Especially Sakura.  
  
" Please, Tomoyo. You can stay with us. We have so much room here."  
  
" Sakura, I don't think it's a matter of how much room or else I'd be home. Sakura, it will only be for a while. Just to take my load off. Have some time to myself before I'm tied down and taking over mother's business. Think of it as a vacation."  
  
Sakura whined on and on, but it was time Tomoyo left. She needed to. Her current doctors aren't doing anything for her. Her mother, therefore, transferred her over to another set of doctors. By moving away, she could get the attention and care she needed and the doctors would have easier access to her home. As oppose to having to drive a mile to reach her.  
  
" Are you positive?"  
  
" I'm sure. So don't worry! I'll try to visit you every other weekend. And you can always call." Sakura pouted.  
  
Tomoyo came over and hugged Sakura. " I'll miss you too, but it's not the end of the world. I've gone for weeks at a time with mother before and you were just fine."  
  
Sakura thought about it for a while with the childish blank expression. A smile crept upon her face. She blinked away bordering tears and beamed at Tomoyo. " HaHa, you're right. Look at me." She sniffed loudly.  
  
" Exactly." Tomoyo looked at Sakura sweetly.  
  
A yell rang from downstairs. " TOMOYO! Kai's here. Are you ready?"  
  
" YES, MOTHER!"  
  
Sighing deeply, Sakura stood up and straightened her apparel. " Here I'll help you with your luggage."  
  
Slowly and carefully they descended downstairs. Knowing Tomoyo was still a bit weak; Kai took a hold of her arm when she reached the bottom step. " Thank you."  
  
He smiled back. " It's nothing."  
  
Kai and Tomoyo made their way out of Sakura's home and into Kai's car. What seemed like "final" goodbyes were made and together, the two sped a way.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
They invaded the home. It has been well kept since the last time she was there. Precisely two years ago during summer. The last summer she had with Eriol.  
  
" So this is where you and Eriol spent most of your summers? Impressive. A very cozy summer home, I can say."  
  
" Yes, yes it was."  
  
Tomoyo clambered upstairs with Kai following behind with her belongings. She settled herself in the same room she had when she stayed there.  
  
She had an exquisite view of the beach.  
  
" Hey, look, Tomoyo! You see there?" He pointed at the small inlet only she and Eriol knew about. " Well, you can't really see it from here, but that there is where we're going to be married."  
  
The thought of marriage chilled her.  
  
" You okay, Tomoyo?"  
  
" Yea, it's a bit cold."  
  
" I'll go down and see if I can start the heater."  
  
" Ok, you go do that. I'll just be up here unpacking."  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
The piercing ringing of the phone startled Tomoyo. It was far too cold to get out of bed and answer it.  
  
She almost forgot that Kai was staying with her until she heard his muffled voice answer the phone from downstairs. She brushed the thought away and again slowly immersed herself with her novel.  
  
Moments later, Kai came in distressed. On the verge of tears. Frustration. Misery. Sorrow. It was all there. He came and set himself on the chair placed beside her divan.  
  
The look on his face nearly broke her heart in two. She was quick to comfort. She sat up on her bed and laid her book onto the coffee table. He sat bent over, hands clasped together and head lolling.  
  
An unspoken understanding was met and she leisurely unclasped his hands and took it into her own. She had no idea why he was in this temperament, but she wanted to be there for him. He was someone who needed to be watched over now. Eriol has what he needs now.  
  
She gradually got onto her knees and elevated herself to his eye level.  
  
One glance at her and a tear fell. He looked down at her hands intertwined with his. She withdrew her hand from his and lightly nudged his face upward. She thumbed away a threatening tear from his lower lash. He broke.  
  
She felt her own façade breaking. She took the hand she still had holding his and pulled him closer to her. He collapsed onto her bed with her continuingly cradling his wrecked exterior.  
  
" Shhhh." He rested against her locking her from movement. She stroked this wispy sepia hair.  
  
" Go to sleep" She whispered to him. " Shhh. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."  
  
All that seemed to do was make him clutch to her tighter.  
  
" Shhhhh. Sleep." She little by little lowered herself and the helpless boy down. He still refused to let go and any attempt of resistance only strengthened his grasp.  
  
So she lay there beside him until and after he had fell asleep. She stared at his face for what seemed to be forever. He reminded her of a sleeping little boy. The thought averted her into remembering Eriol. When summer storms stirred the waters, she would curl up in a ball until Eriol came into her room, instinctively and warmed her bed with her.  
  
Her recollection of better days soon tired her. Kai's breathing soon fell in sync with hers as she, too, drifted off.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
England  
  
" Kaho?" He approached her cautiously in his home library.  
  
She looked up with her beautiful glimmering eyes. " Yes, Eriol?"  
  
He shuffled his feet. " There's something wrong."  
  
" There is?"  
  
" Don't you feel it?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
" I fear something is wrong. I don't know exactly what. Something. Someone is dying. Death is near. Somewhere." He was frustrated.  
  
" You're worried and your worries are making you paranoid. I know Tomoyo is sick, but I don't seem to see anything life-threatening."  
  
" If it's not her, something else is wrong." She looked up at him understandingly.  
  
He abruptly came out with it. " I gotta go. Forgive me. I know we've only been here for four days, but this... curiosity, you can call it, is killing me. The fact that no one in Tomoeda has been returning my calls makes it all worse."  
  
She, too, now became a bit concerned herself. " They haven't?"  
  
He shook his head. " No. They haven't."  
  
She agreed. " You're right. Maybe you should go back. That's very unlike them. Especially Sakura. She always calls back. It'll be all right. I'll stay to discuss the plans with the wedding planner. You go on."  
  
A grin spread across his face. He ran to Kaho sitting there with open arms. He kissed her briefly. " I'll be back. There's nothing that can keep me away from you." His smirked warmed Kaho and every space of the room. " I'll go pack a bag and I'll leave tomorrow morning."  
  
" Ok. You do that."  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
He pulled up on the driveway of "their" old summerhouse. Everything was fine according to Sakura since he arrived the night before. Now he had to go check up on Tomoyo.  
  
He got out of his car and came up to the door. He rang it.  
  
No answer. He rang it again.  
  
It hadn't occurred to him until then that he could just get the spare key and open the door.  
  
He looked up and found himself amused that "their" old wind chime still hung from "their" flowerpot. He looked around and vigilantly unhooked the dangling flowerpot and detached the potholder.  
  
There it was. The metal key was right where they left it. He put the pot back into its place and inserted the key and twisted. The oak door opened with ease and he met the warmth the old-furnished home. The house always seemed to reek of apple cinnamon spice. Then again, their nanny used to always bake that for desert while their stay.  
  
He dropped the key and threw his scarf Kaho made him wear onto the couch. He ascended the stairs pausing a few steps to glance at a few childhood pictures taken of them on the beach. They were good times. Irreplaceable times.  
  
He sensed her breathing. She must've been sleeping. He guess he'd just have to get the truth out of her later. His hand came into contact with the cold brass knob. He cleared his throat and turned the handle. If he had known, he would've reconsidered before going in.  
  
If he had known that she had someone else to reassure and comfort after he left, he wouldn't have barged in to see or care if she was in danger or not. 


	8. The Last Crossing

Chapter 8: The Last Crossing  
  
A cold draft made its way into her fire-lit room through the small opening of her window. Coming to conscious, she endeavored to turn, but his warmth kept her from moving. She lay there for a while. Still as a corpse.  
  
' So this is who I have to look after now. I can't and won't be there for Eriol like I used to anymore. He's marrying someone else who can 'really' warm his bed and love him days on end... not that I can't do that.'  
  
She fingered a lock of his hair away from his face. She needed someone to hold her now more than ever and she was thankful Kai was there.  
  
' No, I'm not going to cry. I can't. If I start, I won't be able to stop. I can't. I just can't.' She held her tears back as best she could even though it filmed her eyes and threaten to slide from her lids. She kept herself immobile and hoped that she could swallow her tears back. It didn't work. The tears still threatened. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.  
  
She wouldn't have opened her eyes, but the creak of her opening door came to her attention and she turned to see... Eriol.  
  
Staring... just staring at her. She made her move. Kai still sleeping spoke aloud as she shifted her body from his grasp.  
  
" Shhh. I'll be back." She wasn't even sure if he heard her, but she said it anyways.  
  
As for Eriol? Yup... still stood there frozen by the door.  
  
She got off the bed and slipped into her slippers and wrapped her arms around herself. She quietly treaded to the door and grabbed hold of Eriol's arm and led him out of the room. It was silent. He looked at her keenly and she stared at him right back.  
  
" What's wrong?"  
  
" Why is it that you always ask me what's wrong when I see you?"  
  
" Because..."  
  
" Because?"  
  
" Because you never come to talk to me anymore unless it's something bad or something good. So... I'm asking you what is wrong before I ask you what is good."  
  
He was deeply wounded. ' You draw away from me... and now I know why. I drew away from you.'  
  
" I---I don't always come to you like that. I come to you when I'm lonely and I miss you."  
  
She grinningly shook her head. " Well, then you haven't visited me for a while."  
  
" What, exactly, does 'that' mean?"  
  
" Never mind."  
  
" ... Ok."  
  
" So... what's wrong?"  
  
" Nothing's wrong. I came to visit you."  
  
She looked at him mockingly.  
  
" Really? I'm perfectly fine."  
  
He frustratingly looked away from her. " God, why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"  
  
" Nothing's wrong with me!" She hissed aware not to wake Kai still sound asleep inside her bedroom.  
  
" What? Are you pregnant? Is that why you didn't tell me?!"  
  
She pulled him downstairs until they reached the bottom staircase.  
  
" What are you doing, Eriol?!"  
  
" Just tell me!" He grabbed her by the shoulders. " What is wrong with you, Tomoyo?" He squeezed tighter.  
  
Stunned, she bowed her head down and consented to a wheeze. Her watery eyes looked up. " Nothing... Nothing's wrong. What makes you think something is wrong?" She nervously struggled from his grip to no avail.  
  
" I'm not that dense, Tomoyo! You've been like 'this' all year long! You've avoided me the last time I visited. You've withdrawn yourself and you plaster that damn smile of yours on every time people question what's wrong with you. Now... now, just tell me. Please. Just tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."  
  
His countenance burned red and he came to notice his hold on her. He brusquely let her go. She deliberated on his shirt. She kept her gaze, being a head shorter than him, on his shirt.  
  
" Kaho gave it to me. What's wrong with it?"  
  
Kaho... her name plucked at Tomoyo's strings. She unintentionally let loose a tear. And then another. And then another until guilt snapped at Eriol's heart and he hastily pulled her into him, attempting to calm her.  
  
" Sshhh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Of course, you're not pregnant. I won't force you to tell me what's wrong. Shhh. Quiet. We still have someone sleeping upstairs."  
  
She looked up at him and smiled him a teary smile and a sniff.  
  
" You're right. You're always right."  
  
He smiled back at her and rubbed the sides of her arms with his hands.  
  
" Whoever turned on the heat did a bad job. I'll go fix it. You sit down here. Be back in a jiffy."  
  
He soon returned and set himself next to her on the couch facing the living room fireplace.  
  
" What made you come back so soon? You've only been gone for a week."  
  
" I was worried and no one was returning my calls from Tomoeda so Kaho and I decided I need to come back and check up on --- you."  
  
She smiled, but she didn't take her eyes away from the fireplace.  
  
Her smile made him smile. It always did. She was the fire that fueled his heart. She was his other half that usually knew what his thoughts and feelings were... even though she wasn't gifted with magic like everyone else around her. She indeed was something else.  
  
" Thanks for caring."  
  
" That's what I'm here for. You never could take care of yourself and kept yourself out of trouble. My feelings still stand as they did six years ago. I guess I'll just have to be here and keep you out of harm's way. You know. After Kaho and I get married and we're settled down, we'll move back here. Things could be like they were before."  
  
His face was shadowed by the hearth, but his beam well shown itself through the darkness. However, she in turn did not beam back. She solemnly glanced at him and leaned her head into the crook of his neck and heaved a sigh.  
  
" Those days can never return, Eriol." He drew back surprised.  
  
" Why not?"  
  
" Soon, we'll be pronounced woman and man and we'll have responsibilities. We'll have to part and do our duty in life. We'll have to stay loyal to our loved ones. We won't have time to dally like we used to. You'll have Kaho to take care of and the new company you're starting. I'll have to stand by Kai and start training to take over my mother's company. We just won't have the time for each other and those careless days we used to have together. We're growing up and it's time we went our separate ways."  
  
" Why are you saying this?"  
  
" It won't be forever. We'll still meet each other. It's just the next time our paths cross again, we'll be different people with different lives to lead. Don't worry, time will erase the empty feeling. Soon, you'll be wondering why you missed me so much to begin with."  
  
" Never."  
  
" Never?"  
  
" Never. I'll never forget you. I'll always remember you. You've secured a place in my heart and I---."  
  
" You don't have to say it. I know... I know."  
  
The continued to stare at the fireplace. After a while, he spoke up.  
  
" So is this final?"  
  
" No. Not really. Nothing's ever final. Remember that. As long as you keep it in you're heart, nothing's final. We'll always have those memories. But promise me."  
  
" Promise you what?"  
  
" Just promise me now. Say you'll do it."  
  
He looked down at her head still resting upon his shoulder. Hesitantly, he uttered, " I promise."  
  
She audibly exhaled. " Promise you'll go on. Don't dwell on things for too long. It won't make it any better. Remember, I'll always be there for you if you ever need anything."  
  
Confused, he accepted, " Ok."  
  
Out of the blue, she flat out said, " Go home."  
  
" Huh?"  
  
" Go home. Go back to your lover. Go back to your life."  
  
" I'm leaving tomorrow morning, there's no rush."  
  
" Leave now, before it becomes any more difficult than it already is."  
  
" But ---."  
  
" You promised you'll go on." She looked at him with an aggrieved smirk. " You promised." She whispered.  
  
He took his time getting up. " I--- I guess I'll see you at the wedding." He picked up his scarf and his keys on the counter. He glanced back at the sitting figure on the couch. " I'll see you then."  
  
Her fading voice was carried to his ears. " Goodbye, dear Eriol. Til' then... til' then." 


	9. Regretting Time

Chapter 9: Regretting Time  
  
Spring came with the utmost speed. The chilling rains ceased its mournful rampage and the frosting snow concluded its last fall.  
  
Frost disintegrated from the barren floors and all that was once green came back. Trees retained its waxy leaves and flowers flourished in gardens blooming their faces to the sky, welcoming the warmth of the sun.  
  
All was well as Mother Nature intended it to be during the salvation of spring. All was well except for one thing.  
  
One flower, however, had not the strength to stand tall to the nourishment of the sun and the goodness spring brought to her. The little plum blossom was wilting despite the healthiness of all the other flowers about her. She was dying.  
  
The worst realization was that she knew. She knew she was dying. Even if she could not stand to her full height, she kept her head to the sky. To capture what she could before she passed into another world where she could no longer do so.  
  
She accepted this. She kept her knowing to herself regardless of how much her loved ones tried to hide it from her. She knew, though.  
  
She always knew.  
  
We are all dying from the start. Some of us just step up and meet it before others do.  
  
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
The ceremony went well. They pledged their vows to each other and showed the world the love they felt for one another. Sealing their vows, they ended with a doting kiss. She met his eyes and a sense of happiness showered him. She was his.  
  
He would love her until the day he died. Unto that, he promised.  
  
He was complete now.  
  
Completeness... he thought he knew what that meant. Why is it that he did not feel complete? A hollow emptiness still resided within him. It gnawed at his curiosity and his conscious.  
  
He jolted from his thoughts.  
  
" Eriol, the limo is waiting!" She giggled.  
  
He recognized that he and his new wife still stood at the alter amidst the shouting and whistling among friends and family. He squeezed her hand and returned his famous smirk.  
  
" What are we waiting for?"  
  
They ran down the aisle hand in hand as those who attended the wedding bombarded them with showers among showers of rice and flowers.  
  
When finally reaching the car door, he opened it for his bride and slipped into the car.  
  
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
At the reception....  
  
" Sakura! Hey! It's nice to see you again!"  
  
" Eriol!" She ran to him dragging the ever so reluctant Li behind her.  
  
He gave her a friendly embrace and questioned how well she's been since they last met back in Tomoeda.  
  
" Wow, look at you, Eriol. Tomoyo would be so happy to see you all grown up."  
  
" What do you mean?" His smile starting to falter.  
  
" Haven't you noticed?" Sakura cocked an eyebrow.  
  
" Tomoyo... where is she?" He seemed half panic and half disappointed.  
  
Sakura was reluctant to answer. She gulped and swallowed back what looked to be tears.  
  
It appeared an eternity before Syaoran said it himself. " She's not coming."  
  
" What?! Why not?" His shout rang audible to the table next to his.  
  
He bent down and lowered his voice to a hiss. " What do you mean?!"  
  
Syaoran looked away not meeting Eriol's gaze. Sakura tugged his sleeve and whispered.  
  
" She's not well."  
  
" What... how-how unwell are we talking?"  
  
Sakura looked at her hands with downcast eyes. " Not well at all."  
  
Eriol sat straight in his chair. For what seemed like the rest of the night, Eriol didn't speak much at all.  
  
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
" Do you have to leave so soon, Eriol?"  
  
" I'm sorry, Kaho. Work calls. I'll be back as soon as I can." He beamed and gave her a quick kiss.  
  
" One day into our marriage and you're already leaving me." She sarcastically stated.  
  
" As soon as I get back, we're going on a three month honeymoon."  
  
" Oh alright."  
  
Eriol looked at his wristwatch. " Oye must be off, dear." He gave her another quick kiss and carried his luggage out the door.  
  
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
A creak was heard.  
  
Kai abruptly turned his head to see who was at the door.  
  
" Eriol?! I thought you were on your honeymoon!"  
  
" Is she ok? What's going on?"  
  
Kai looked at Tomoyo's sleeping form on the bed. He heaved a worrisome sigh.  
  
" She's not well, Eriol. She's very sick."  
  
" Have you taken her to the doctors?"  
  
" Yes."  
  
" What did they say about it?"  
  
" ... Just to take her medicine, I guess."  
  
" What is it?"  
  
" What do u mean? What's what?"  
  
" I'm no fool, Kai. You're not telling me something. I get that enough from Tomoyo. I don't need you making it any worse."  
  
He strode to her bedside and sat on the mattress. His hand crept to meet her cold hands. He studied her with extreme concentration.  
  
Her mind was closed to his. She wouldn't let him in. Once again, he was left outside her wall.  
  
" Why are you here?" Eriol looked at Kai who still sat on the chair facing the window. " What do you want, Eriol?"  
  
" I want the truth. Will you be the first to tell me what on earth is going on?"  
  
" I am bound to Tomoyo's promise. I can't tell you what you wish me to inform you of."  
  
" I will find out sooner or later. Tell me... is this bad news? Is something terribly wrong with her?"  
  
Kai refused to answer. He just stared blankly back at Eriol.  
  
He looked back out the window and changed the subject entirely. " She's been calling for you, you know."  
  
He gripped the chair rest jealously. " She calls for in the day and calls for you during her sleep. She wanted to come to your wedding."  
  
Eriol looked up from the remote hand he held. " Why didn't you guys come?"  
  
" She can barely climb down the stairs anymore."  
  
" Can't...? H-How come?"  
  
" If you haven't realized the answer to that question by now, you truly are as dense as much as you deny it."  
  
Eriol mused at the spring waves crashing on the shores from his view through the western window.  
  
The sun was setting and people could be seen walking the shores hand in hand.  
  
The silence consumed both of them.  
  
Soon, though, Kai stood up and straightened his suit.  
  
" Are you going to be here for a while?"  
  
Eriol nodded silently.  
  
" I'm going to go back to work. Sonomi would be here in an hour, but I'll call her and tell her she does not need to come today. You see, we shift work hours to see that someone always watches over Tomoyo. Since you're here, though, I trust you can take care of her?"  
  
" Of course."  
  
" Alright then. If anything happens, give me a call. My number is speed dial 2 on her phone over there. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon." He pointed at the cordless that lay still on the coffee table next to Tomoyo's bed. He brushed his hand through his ruffled sepia hair and sauntered over to Tomoyo's bedside.  
  
He nudged his way across from Eriol and bent down to Tomoyo's sleeping form and kissed her forehead. He whispered in her ear. " Hold on, love."  
  
Kai stood upright and turned to face Eriol. He nodded in Eriol's direction and made his way to the door.  
  
Eriol watched fixedly at Kai to make sure he had left the room before he scooted himself closer to Tomoyo and with both hands brought her limp hand to his lips.  
  
It was torture.  
  
Tomoyo wasn't supposed to be like this.  
  
He always knew her as the encouraging innocent who liked to run in the endless meadows of wildflowers and hide in the apple orchards at the ranch they stayed in during mid-spring.  
  
Where was the sun-bearer? He could not bear to watch the lifeless moon on the bed before him.  
  
He slid off his shoes and slowly lifted the layers of bed sheets she was immersed in. It was cold in her room. When everywhere else was filled with the heat of summer's beginning, Tomoyo's room was the only place in the world that was untouched and desolate with ice.  
  
The room itself was filled with a barrenness that highly disturbed Eriol.  
  
It was all so wrong.  
  
Slipping himself under the same covers that clothed her, he rested his head against her arm and wrapped his arms around her waist. A sudden missing came to recognition.  
  
He missed her so. It has been too long. Last time he remembered sleeping on the same bed with her was the year of the fourteenth. She had been afraid of the summer storm thunders and he found her huddled in the corner. Naturally, he told her the story of the little hobbit that carried the fate of the world on a chain around his neck. She loved that one the most. It wasn't long before he, too, drifted to slumber with her.  
  
Now he finds himself the way they were two years ago and he finally realizes how much he missed her and the times they shared together. She made his childhood significant because she was there to help him shape it.  
  
Thanks to her, he now had frozen moments he could look back on and cherish.  
  
He was filled with regret. He wished he could freeze time. Go back to better days and stay frozen in time. He wished he never grew up. Eighteen already made him feel so old. Time flew by so quickly. He felt tension build around his eyes.  
  
He felt a wet tear slip from his eye. He pressed his face harder into the sleeve of her cotton shirt until he apprehended that his glasses were in the way.  
  
He lightly slipped them off and placed them on the coffee table.  
  
" Eriol." He rotated himself back to Tomoyo to find her talking in her sleep. " Eriol?.... Eriol..." She shifted herself onto her side. The side that faced him.  
  
He made himself comfortable and laid there staring at her peaceful, angelic face. He cuddled himself closer to her. He continued his clutch on her waist and rested his vulnerable head against the crook of her neck.  
  
He felt her heart beating steadily and her breathing rhythmic. He was the closest he'd been to her for the last two years and the yearning for more aggravated his nerves. The "home-like" feeling her aura emitted made his inner-self at peace. He laid by her side until his breathing grew cadenced with her and the beating of his heart danced with hers.  
  
Time past and the last breath of sunlight hung in the air.  
  
It wasn't he felt struggle and heart the wheezing did he abruptly wake up to find strife at his footsteps. 


	10. Hungry

Chapter 10: Hungry  
  
At first it was only a few coughs so Eriol shrugged it off. However, her coughing grew prolific. He finally came to conscious and propped his head up in the air. The room was dark. The sun sunk into the ocean and the light of the moon shown bright through her window.  
  
He looked down to find his arms still wrapped Tomoyo's now thrashing body. He let go of her to give her some room.  
  
He sat up on the bed and blindly grasped for his glasses. He reached out and turned the knob on the lamp and flinched from the light that emanated from it. He focused his eyes and half laid himself next to Tomoyo's body and stroked the lines of her cough-stricken face.  
  
She hesitated from his cold touch and continued her strings of wheezing and panting. He urged himself off the bed but he heard a god-awful gasp and he whipped around in alarm.  
  
She was awake. Eyes opened to its fullest and mouth covered with hands. She was surprised.  
  
" Eriol?!"  
  
" Hey." He flashed her his famous smirk.  
  
She quickly wiped her mouth and stuck it down her covers.  
  
" What are you doing here? You and Kaho... you're supposed to be---."  
  
He quickly gaited to the edge of her divan. Placing a finger over her lips, he hushed her.  
  
" Shhhh. It's ok. It's ok. It's me."  
  
She directed her gaze elsewhere to avoid the stare Eriol aimed at her.  
  
There was this long awkward quietness that filled the room.  
  
It was hard not to ask her how she was doing. Better yet, what was going on. She never gave him straight answers though. At least not anymore. So he slowly pried his way into finding the truth his own way.  
  
" How have you been doing, Tomoyo?"  
  
" I'm all right, I guess." The sweet, pure ring of her voice rang so silent that it was hardly audible to Eriol's ears.  
  
Her jaded gray eyes snapped quickly to his. She was anxious. He could tell.  
  
" What of you and Kaho? Why are you here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon. What happened?"  
  
Eriol heaved a sigh. " You know, Tomoyo. Not everything is about Kaho and me. You never showed up to my wedding. You promised, Tomoyo. You promised."  
  
She looked down at the mattress. " I'm so sorry, Eriol. I was ... delayed."  
  
" You never break your promises to me. You are always there when you say you will be."  
  
" I'm sorry, Eriol. I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I'm never there for you anymore."  
  
He guiltily gulped. " No, no, Tomoyo. Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You're there for me than I ever was to you. I never should've said that because... I know, that even when you're not there, you're there in spirit." He looked up to meet her face.  
  
She promptly tore away from his gawk and leaned over to grab the piece of tissue from its dispenser box.  
  
A few reoccurring coughs took place and she too stuck the tissue under the covers.  
  
" Why do you do that?"  
  
"Do what?" She questioned naively.  
  
" That." He gestured at her hands fixed under her bed sheets. He moved in closer to her. So close, she felt his breath upon her nose.  
  
He whispered ever so airily to her. " Why do you recoil from me, Tomoyo? Why do you hide?"  
  
She pulled away from him and remained her constant gape at his hands that rested upon her leg.  
  
He tipped her chin. Tired eyes met his own. " What's wrong, Tomoyo?"  
  
He couldn't take it anymore. He was tormented with longing desire. Hungry to taste her. He was so close to her that his nose brushed against her and all he had to do was lower his lips and trap hers in his own.  
  
He pushed away a lock of hair that fell upon her porcelain face. His voice reduced to a childlike pleading. " Tomoyo..."  
  
She was lost in his pools of dark raging water. She blithely answered him in the same volume of murmur. " Yes..." His fingers caressed her face ever so lightly. The voice of young master Eriol reemerged in its ingenuous mumble. " Can I keep you?"  
  
She broke, but nevertheless opened her tearing eyes to him. " You'll always have me."  
  
He pushed himself closer to her frail body, trying to savor every breathing moment they had together. " You haunt me, Tomoyo." He rested his head against her and whispered into her ear. " You're everywhere I go."  
  
Closing his eyes, he compelled himself against her body, further breaking any personal barriers existing between them.  
  
His arm slipped around her body and he held her closer to him.  
  
He pulled his head back a bit and attempted to kiss her.  
  
She pulled away.  
  
" You can't do this to Kaho."  
  
He whimpered, but continued his pursue to finding her lips. " She won't have to know."  
  
He won. He trapped her. Carefully meeting her petal soft lips and then mildly ravaging his way through them. He was gentle, though. Always gentle as he lowered her down to the bed.  
  
With his hand behind her head and one holding her waist, he slowly moved over her.  
  
He was avid in his hunt to flavor every crevice of her mouth.  
  
She desperately relished the moment and even let loose a burning moan, but she had to hold strong. She couldn't go losing herself now. She had to come back for all their sakes.  
  
Her hands crept to his jaw and she tenderly released him from her. He was still ravenous, though. She felt his harsh breathing against her nose as he caught his breath and lightly met his forehead with her own.  
  
She painfully closed her eyes and said what she had to say.  
  
" We must end this, Eriol. We can't go on like this."  
  
He issued a whine. " No... we can't go on like this. We have to do this. I need you, Tomoyo. More than you could ever fathom."  
  
He became savage. He pushed harder against her skin. He grabbed her arms and wrang aimlessly.  
  
She silently cried out. " Please, Eriol. Stop it." But he wouldn't stop. She agonizingly pushed him off and away of her, but he held on to strong. His hands started to roam. Stroking her neck and then slowly, but surely down to her waist where it then he soon slid his body down to her naval.  
  
Lightly planting butterfly kisses upward. He knew she tried to resist, but he teased her more. Until she fell limp.  
  
She no longer resisted. He felt no pressure against his shoulders or arms. He stopped with his kisses and swiftly looked up.  
  
She stared lifelessly at the ceiling. She made no movement.  
  
He strived to cease his abrasive gasps and hurriedly pushed himself to the height of her face.  
  
" Tomoyo..."  
  
She's doing it again. Doing the same exact thing she did when they were on the sandy beach that one afternoon with her glazed over look.  
  
Not responding.  
  
He continued his uncontrollably callous breathing, but no longer in passion. His hands began to shake. He shook her gently once more.  
  
" T-T-Tomoyo?"  
  
No answer.  
  
" Tomoyo..."  
  
She made no retort.  
  
" I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry Tomoyo. Tomoyo? I-I-I went to far. I know. I'm so desperately sorry. Won't you say something, Tomoyo? Tomoyo?"  
  
He continued caressing her face until she finally met his eyes.  
  
" I couldn't make you stop. So I stopped. I-I didn't want you to do something that you would regret for the rest of your life."  
  
He still was half on top of her staring face to face with her avoiding eyes.  
  
" Look at me." She rejected his demand.  
  
He tilted her chin until she did look at him.  
  
" Nothing I do with you can ever make me regret." A hot tear fell from his eyes fogging his thin, black-rimmed glasses.  
  
She lifted a hand and fingered his face, taking off his glasses.  
  
" The only thing that would make me regret is losing you to someone else."  
  
She was shattered by the very thought of ever leaving him.  
  
" I'll always be with you."  
  
He kissed her again. A slow, passionate, loving kiss that tempted him, once again, to go beyond the safe borders. He started to feel her hesitated.  
  
" Ok, ok." He reluctantly let go and lightly touched her nose with his forehead.  
  
He rested his head against her neck once again and simply laid there motionless with her. Silence in their lives once again consumed them.  
  
" How much do you love, Kaho?"  
  
He jerked uneasily on the bed and propped himself upon his elbow.  
  
" I'll always love you more."  
  
She felt the pit of her stomach fall through.  
  
" Do you really?"  
  
" Yes."  
  
" For how long?"  
  
He searched deep in her eyes and lowered his head and whispered into her ear.  
  
" Forever."  
  
She swam adrift in his eyes and then asked the question he didn't want to answer the most.  
  
" Do you love her at all?"  
  
" Kaho, you mean?"  
  
She didn't dare utter the name. She just looked away and solemnly replied.  
  
" You know who I'm talking about."  
  
He sighed. " Yes, I do love her."  
  
" Then why do you do this to her?"  
  
" Because it's for us."  
  
" No, Eriol. No, no, no, no..."  
  
He lightly grasped her chin and forced her to see him. " It's for us, Tomoyo."  
  
" Eriol..." A whisper.  
  
He watched her silently and questionably.  
  
" Eriol, we have to end this. It's sinful."  
  
" Then sins never felt so good." She finally successfully pushed him away and sat up against the bed post with him next to her.  
  
She lounged her head back to the side in hopes of signaling him to do the same.  
  
He didn't want to meet her, though.  
  
" Eriol..." She softly tugged on his shirt sleeve.  
  
He carelessly stared forward.  
  
She slid herself closer to him to catch his attention, however unsuccessful it was.  
  
It was her turn to whisper into his ear now.  
  
Something that reminded him to come back to reality and something he couldn't stop from taking place. 


	11. Pride, Jealousy, and Loneliness

Chapter 11: Pride, Jealousy and Loneliness  
  
She airily mumbled, " Did you forget?"  
  
" Forget?... Forget about what, Tomoyo?"  
  
She withdrew her hand from underneath her comforter.  
  
A glimmering diamond bound to her finger. He quickly glanced and redirected his gaze upon something that wasn't the diamond bound to her finger. He snapped at her.  
  
" You know, you never answered me."  
  
" About?" Her eyes showing the curiosity of an unknown secret.  
  
" About whether you loved him or not."  
  
She paused to rightly bring the words out of her mouth. " I-I-I do love him. And-and- I shall continue to love him the way I love you."  
  
" Do you really mean that? Am I just some acquaintance then?"  
  
She heaved a slight sigh. " You know that I really don't mean all that."  
  
" Then what do you mean?!" He was frustrated. " It's unfair."  
  
" What do you mean unfair?"  
  
He quickly clambered out of bed. He placed his glasses on the crook of his nose. He stood facing the eastern window with his back turned to her. He heavily groaned.  
  
" This!" He punctually shot his hand out in a gesturing motion. " Us! Sometimes I feel like I'm pouring out my soul to you and then you come along and make everything so complicated. You make your feelings so ... unpredictable. You take it all in and then you push me away. What is it that you want?! What am I supposed to do?!" He flopped himself on the armchair.  
  
She stared transfixed at him. His eyes burned blue fire. He'd never been so angry with her before. He was not supposed to be like this. He was the one that always kept his composure. Showed no feeling that would put him in a vulnerable state.  
  
It was then she felt tension between them. She felt the difficulty of in taking air again. ' No, please not now.' As he doubled over and relaxed his head in his palms, she quickly grabbed at a tissue and turned away.  
  
With difficulty, she tried to suppress what coughs she could but to no avail. He heard... he was suspicious. It was hard. God was testing her, she thought.  
  
She heard the rustling of Eriol's pants as he slowly, but surely got out of the chair. She heard him come closer and closer to her bed. She continued her strenuous work of calming her nerves and damn coughs.  
  
Then she felt the feeble sinking of the mattress as his knee came into contact with it. She felt the air of hesitation between both of them.  
  
He came and undecidedly reached out his hand to touch her shoulder. To see if she was ok. He softly tapped her shoulder. She scooted farther away from him.  
  
And this was how it was. He kept on tapping her until finally she reached the edge of the bed with nowhere else to go. She cleverly threw the drenched tissue she held in her hand before Eriol had the chance go see it.  
  
Just as she thought, he carefully yanked her arm and twisted her around to him. He held the expression she assumed he would've held.  
  
Worry.  
  
He held out his palm to her.  
  
" Give me your hand."  
  
Confused, she set her hand delicately upon it releasing a small pent up cough.  
  
She had briefly forgotten about her hands.  
  
" Why are your hands stained red?"  
  
She took a second look at it.  
  
It was stained red. It had seeped through the tissue.  
  
" What is it?"  
  
Her eyes widened in a panic sort of expression  
  
" Tomoyo..." His voice came out warningly.  
  
" What?" She pasted on her "carefree, there's nothing wrong" smile.  
  
" Wh-Wh-What was that?"  
  
He took hold of her besmirched palm. He looked closer and examined it.  
  
He knew what it was. Denial clouded his mind as he stupidly looked up and opened his mouth to protest.  
  
" - It's fine! It's nothing."  
  
He stared sternly at her. " Coughing up ... whatever that is, doesn't seem to be too.."  
  
" It's just some throat discharges that goes along with me being sick. It's a ..."  
  
" ... reaction?"  
  
Her fingers fidgeted and intertwined with each other. " Y-Yea. It's from the medicine. It's nothing."  
  
She slipped her hand into his loosed grasp and held his hand within both of hers.  
  
" I'm fine." She said and delivered her winning smile. The one that won all other winning smiles. With that, he let his denial and the growing uncertainty inside of him go unnoticed. He couldn't help but get lost in her bright eyes and her glimmering smile. Brushing that thought away to the back of his mind, he seemed to have forgotten all that had happened before his discovery of her stained hand.  
  
Though he whole-heartedly trusted her, he still felt the inner anxiety of her not telling him something. He was just tired. He didn't want to wonder, he didn't want to care, he didn't want to think about her every day and night, he hated worrying about how whoever this "Kai" treated her, he felt the uncontrollable anger rise from the very depths of his tortured and torn heart.  
  
He rapidly rose and pulled his hands away from her and kept hold of a "betrayed" expression.  
  
Tomoyo flinched at the roughness of his actions. His eyes burned again. He raised his hands in frustration. Word threatening to fly out of his mouth.  
  
If she had not put her arms up to "guard" herself, he would've continued ranting on about what he planned to say and confess to her, but that simple feat told him he was scaring her far beyond he wanted to.  
  
He brought those irritated hands to his sides and subtly, again, slid back on the bed and felt the skin... the fragile ivory skin of her arms. He reminded himself to lower his temper... to take hold of his emotions. The emotions he kept hidden so well before.  
  
Sympathy showed through the midnight sky contained in his eyes and lowered her arms.  
  
He looked, again, harmless, but he was still forceful in his speech.  
  
" Did you think that I was going to hit you?"  
  
She lifted her head and nodded hesitantly afraid he might go ballistic again.  
  
He delivered an incredulous chuckle, which left her feeling a bit uneasy.  
  
He gestured his hands back and forth from her to him. " Y-You really thought, I was going to hit you? That's real rich. Despite how thwarted I am with you, I'd never hit you. I haven't ever done so before. What made you think I'd do so now?"  
  
She quietly found her voice amidst tautness between them.  
  
" Y-You were different back then. You had ... had better control of your feelings before. You've let them out, Eriol. You show real, unadulterated sentiments of anger and fury. The fact that I haven't really seen you illustrate this through yourself surprises me. I don't know what you'll do next. Everything is haywire. You may have been Clow, Eriol, but that was a long time ago and the card capturing days are over. No matter how in control you might feel sometimes, half of you will still be Eriol Hiiragizawa. You're starting to grow out of that... and maybe its hormones or something, but it's scary because I've never seen this side of you before."  
  
He didn't seem to want to admit that maybe... just maybe, Tomoyo might be right. He resumed his awful stare at nothingness. The reluctance of him speaking ushered her to continue.  
  
" S-Sometimes, I think Sakura starts to notice this as well. You've been a bit off lately. From the personality you had before, I mean. You'll always be Eriol, but somewhere in that vast mind of yours... the pressure of being a normal teenage boy got to you. Maybe it's just a phase. It's not just Sakura either, my mother even questions me about what's going on in your life sometimes. Even Kai! He and my mother are non-magic folk and know nothing about the Sakura Cards and Clow Reed, but he even talks about your awkward behavior sometimes when you visit me. I know it sounds weird and from your point of view it doesn't seem like you've changed at all, but to those who know you well or know you at all... we... we just thought you were a bit off lately."  
  
' Kai?! Of all people she brought in Kai?! Bullshit, he doesn't even know jack about me! Give it to someone who probably feels threatened by me judge me for what they 'think' I am!'  
  
He swiveled his head casually and directed every single word that trickled out of his orifice to her. All he did in a cool, yet outwardly in a sarcastic tone.  
  
" Let me tell you something, Ms. Daidouji. Don't talk to me about that son of a bitch. He knows nothing about me. Walks around like he knows what the hell he's talking about. My ass. He likes to think he knows everything seeing as how he feels he has connections to your family, but all he knows is crap. Leave it to a dimwit to tell you your own feelings for someone you've known since... I don't know... FOREVER?"  
  
" ---We're only concerned about you, Eriol! You act as if Kai targets you, but you, in actuality target him! Out of Sakura and my mother, you pick him selectively to criticize. Honesty, Eriol! I don't even know you anymore! How is it that we'll get along when I'm married to him?! Have you ever thought about that?! You need to sort out your feelings 'now'! What's gotten into you?"  
  
He took it hard. Like Tomoyo, herself, stabbed him with Syaroan's sword. "Married"... he didn't want to think of Tomoyo marrying that asshole. She stabbed his heart out and wrenched it so every last drop of remaining blood fell from it and he was left with a corpse of something that used to beat within him.  
  
Tomoyo, on the other hand, was driving herself bloody mad with Eriol's astonishing switches of emotions. He was hungry at one time, gentle the next, and raving mad the next. She had no real idea on what they wanted to pursue about. Now, again, Eriol flips one of his other "emotions" on and he's all of sudden quite resentful and with the same madness, but hurt and stung by what she had to offer from her side of the conversation. If you wanted to call in a conversation.  
  
He reminded her of little boys in movies, who had been embarrassed or ripped of his pride and stormed out of a room. Little Eriol was never liked that, but of all times he chose to act this way, he was eighteen, nearing his adulthood. So unlike normal boys... if you could call him normal.  
  
He sharply snapped his head to meet her. 'Great... not again.' She no longer held the sympathy she possessed for him as she did a moment before. They say the eyes are the key to one's soul... at least she vaguely remembered something like that being said to her, and it obviously showed true through Eriol's now fiery and zealous eyes and the dangerously awkward smirk plastered onto his face.  
  
He mockingly hoisted himself up from the chair he found himself during sometime of their argument and buttoned the few buttons that loosened ajar and fixed his tie. He arrogantly gaited to the stand that held his coat and slipped his arms somewhat violently into the sleeves. Grabbing his hat and fitting it over his soft, yet wild hair, he turned upon his heel and stridently clicked his shoes upon the wooden floors until he met the dark wood end of her bedpost.  
  
Crazed fervor held still in his eyes.  
  
" You know what, Tomoyo? I don't need you!" He screamed at her harshly.  
  
He decided to continue with his opinions about her with much scorn and emphasis.  
  
" Do hear that? I DON'T NEED YOU. I'm absolutely and completely jaded with the chase you have me experiencing! I hate wondering about you! I don't want you trapped within my mind every waking and sleeping moment! I despise worrying about how the people around you, like hmmm... KAI, treat you! I hate you HAUNTING all of my steps! I wish I never met you! You are nothing to me! And most of all..."  
  
It seemed to her that he began to cool down, but the next lexis wounded her just as much with the same, but harder tone of voice.  
  
" Most of all... I hate YOU." The sheer calmness of those last three words truly punctured her soul. The tears welled up in her eyes terrorizing to plummet. He remained grounded where he stood directly in front of her bed as if trying to taunt or tantalize her in anyways possible that would cause her damage.  
  
She was her mother's daughter, though. Strong if she wanted to be. And strength was what held her upon its brow now.  
  
She took a whiff of air and as calmly and unaffectedly as she could, uttered the simple words that made up her final healthy deliverance to him.  
  
As if on cue, he and her locked eyes. A cold, icy door opening to a tortured soul.  
  
Her voice floated on air whispering in his ears.  
  
" I guess this is for the best. I--- I--I suppose I'll never see you again. No matter how angry you are at me, Eriol. I'll still always love you. In death, I'll wait for your forgiveness if you hadn't forgiven me already. I wish you well in life. If I could, I'll light your way through times of darkness. There is so much I'd like to tell you, but I all I want to do is to protect you as much as I could before... well nevermind what I was going to say, but I guess spring will not come for me in the remainder of my life."  
  
She heaved a great sigh before she finished her last sendings.  
  
" I hope you much joy and to never, again, meet jealousy. I hope it will never drive you mad again. I have so many hopes for you, but I fear you tire of my talking so I shall conclude with this: I'll always be with you like I said and you shall always have me as I promised."  
  
His pride made him more distant from the warm words she hoped to share with him. He let his ego and jealousy overpower his mind and devastatingly articulated, at Tomoyo's expense, his last words of the day.  
  
A twitch formed devilishly upon his smirk. " Don't patronize me, Tomoyo. I can find my own way without your help. I hope you release whatever curse you have on me and let me be free from you. Let 'I and my wife, Kaho' live in peace. I..."  
  
" HOPE..."  
  
" YOU..."  
  
" Diie..."  
  
Those so apparently final words savagely ripped both Tomoyo's heart and mind. The intake of oxygen grew hoarse as Eriol brutally pounded his steps against the wood and slammed the barren door against the hinges that held it.  
  
But... he didn't hear it. Or he chose not to hear it and closed his mind to whatever was associated with her.  
  
Pulling out from the driveway and heading himself "back to work", he left the summer home without summer and foreboded it with total and unconditional loneliness.  
  
If only he knew he should've been aware of his wishes. If wishes could kill... he would've been the first to successfully put it into action.  
  
Congratulations Mr. "Mizuki"... congratulations. 


	12. Never

Chapter 12: Never  
  
Summer soon arrived. Many times, she spent her days with a good book sitting upon her balcony and contemplating the children that ran down the shores without a care in the world. Something she yearned now for more than ever. She finally understood what people meant when they say that you really don't miss it until it's really gone.  
  
That day, the sun shown bright exploding in a million rays that showered the earth with its warmth. It would've been a good day to have a wedding.  
  
Tomoyo glanced down at her hands. It seemed incredibly... plain. Plainer than it has been for a while. There, on her left finger no longer held a ring or a wedding band. It was just blank. Well not at all blank, but that sparkling engagement had been so used to being bound upon her finger that it felt alone without it now.  
  
A feeling not so unfamiliar to her these days.  
  
Still, there remains something there. A small strand of hemp wound itself around her left finger nowadays. Nothing more. Her constant visitors no longer busied themselves with being by her bed anymore.  
  
She didn't mind though. This was all for the best. Besides, the endless attention drove her a bit mad sometimes.  
  
Her mother, now, resumed her normal working schedule and Kai... well Kai now lives in England managing the second toy company established outside of the country by her mother. Last time she heard from him, he had met up with a girl one year his junior. He sounded happy when he wrote to her and she was very glad for him. Very content for him, indeed.  
  
She was always thankful for Kai understanding that she only wanted the best for him. Giving back that engagement ring was the best thing she could do for him. Urging him to go on without her meant saving him from a fruitless marriage. Hearing from his successes and happiness always erased some of her troubles away.  
  
Summer never felt so lonely.  
  
Now winter blew in cold after the departure of fall and she now felt the cold jab of a life nearing its end. Oddly enough, she was able to walk again. However, that's how it was with her sickness. Once she thought she was all well again, it goes and snatches back at all her and her mother's hope. With the advantage she had right now, she wanted to do all that she can.  
  
Being cooped up in that summer home was driving her to insanity. She wanted to go out and feel snow. That was her last wish. To be able to tread in the snow and feel the freezing wind blow against her face before she could not experience it anymore.  
  
Her mother had forbid her though. Still holding onto the hope that things would miraculously turn for the better. Ignorant of the future of her only child. Nowadays, she felt most worried about her mother. Always busy with the business and yet always finding the time of day to be with Tomoyo in those last faithful days.  
  
She tried to always keep the façade of hope up whenever her mother was there, but all it was, was a fool's hope. Nothing more.  
  
She knew what was to become of her and she would face it head on. Besides, she still had to prepare herself for the long wait until Eriol came home to God and forgive her.  
  
The clock chimed the hour of 6 and she grew worried. Her mother had not come home to pick her up yet. Coincidentally, as this thought washed over her mind, the phone rang. She nimbly went to pick up the cordless.  
  
" Hello?"  
  
" Tomoyo! You're not here yet! What are you doing at home? You said you would be here at 6 and now it's 6 and you're still home! It will take at least an hour to get you back to my house!"  
  
Tomoyo giggled softly at Sakura's excitement. After all, it was a Christmas party. " My mother isn't home yet. I'm sorry. She said she'd be sure to get back home to take me today. You know. how it's the last-."  
  
" DON'T SAY THAT, TOMOYO! Stop being morbid. Those doctors aren't even sure of why you're being sick for so long. You're not going to die, so stop it with all this nonsense. Maybe it's long-term influenza. You know- you know how that virus always changes... and that's probably what you have."  
  
' Those dumb doctors wouldn't know influenza if it hit them square in the face with a sign identifying them as the flu. They have done nothing to better her situation.'  
  
Tomoyo could hear those choked up tears from her end of the phone line. Sakura... she was one of those remaining loved ones that shared the same outlook as her mom. Always trusting the better of the situation and trying to blind herself with the truth.  
  
Tomoyo knew. Sakura had magic after all. Despite the long years of not using it, Tomoyo always knew that Sakura had a feel for things and it was quite obviously Tomoyo was fading. Syaroan had known from the start. Always keeping to himself and offering comforting words. She knew he felt her aura diminishing day by day.  
  
Sakura, however, went on with the conversation. " Well, I'll try to reach your mother at work and tell her your waiting and I'll call you back. As for now, keep warm, Tomoyo."  
  
She heard Syaroan's sudden voice pop into the discussion. " Hey, Tomoyo. What's keeping you?"  
  
" Syaroan! I told you to go see if any guests are coming downstairs!"  
  
" No one's here yet! Chill out! I am downstairs."  
  
A sigh of frustration was heard from Sakura's end of the phone. " Fine."  
  
" Anyways, I'll see you. And don't worry! I'll call your mom for you. No problems, alright?"  
  
Tomoyo chuckled at Sakura's optimism. " All right. See ya then."  
  
" Ok, bye--."  
  
" Bye."  
  
" Syaroan! You're still on the phone?! Oye..."  
  
" Yes! Bye, Tomoyo."  
  
" Yea, bye, Tomoyo."  
  
Thinking of the married couple still made her laugh. Their lovely bickering still seemed endless as endless as their love. Lost in her thoughts, the sudden interruption of Sakura's voice came to conscious.  
  
" Tomoyo?"  
  
--" Oh yea, I'm still here. Goodbye, Syaroan. Goodbye, Sakura."  
  
And so ended their final spoken meeting.  
  
The snowflakes flew steadily and the frost it brought with them fogged her window slightly.  
  
A deep mourning foreboded her. The desire to feel the earth's elements drove her well being senseless. The urge to go out and walk on the beach like a normal person and enjoy the snowy atmosphere made her insane.  
  
She glanced at the clock. It was six and one fourth of the hours. And every minute looking at the window felt like an eternity. The ticking of the grandfather clock taunted her. Finally, she couldn't help it. She shattered. If she couldn't have the one thing she wanted most, she would have this.  
  
She left a note and opened the door to her room and descended the stairs wrapped in a scarf, a woolen lined pea coat, snow boots, and a black leather taxicab hat.  
  
The burst of cold air interrupted the burning fire in the kitchen as she opened the back door. She cautiously made her way across the frozen backyard to the back door and prepared herself to descend the slippery rocks that led down to the beach.  
  
Already, she could feel the "strength" returning to her. She could sense the vigor she possessed before she was sick. It uplifted her spirits to feel the way she felt when she did not discover the plague that shadowed her now.  
  
But after all... this was what it felt like many times... that is, before the unknown bad health consumed her again.  
  
She refused to think of this, though. This was her only chance to get out and she was going to bask in the glory of winter before her mother found out and dragged her back to that forsaken home. The place once she loved so much became the object of her insanity.  
  
At long last, her descendent came to an end and she began to walk along the partially snow covered sands. The power she felt within herself excited her beyond all aspects. She so longed now, more than anything to be well again and be able to do the things she could be able to do a year ago. It had felt so distant now. One year of lesser eternities.  
  
She kicked the snow with the legs that now worked just as good as before and saw the flailing fragments of snow uncover the sodden grains of sands below. After about half a mile of treading among the beach shore, she impulsely realized the joy it brought to her.  
  
This walk was like a gift from the heavens and now a sense of happiness made her feel adolescent again and so she twirled and twirled facing her head to the sky and yelling as well as half pleading to the sky. " Save me!"  
  
That pointless statement, however, reminded her of everything that brought her to despair. The twirling stopped, the dizziness devoured her, and the series of coughing that had seemed to disappear a few days ago reappeared and tortured her lungs again.  
  
The cold air made it harder to breathe. So much harder. And all the potency her legs held gave out. She refused to give up. She propped her legs back up and found herself once again upon the floor.  
  
This wasn't what she wanted. She could feel the deep dark aura of a lifeless thing pursuing her.  
  
' No... please no.'  
  
She didn't want to end like this. She regretted now leaving the warm house that protected her. The snow and frozenness no longer felt so inviting. It ragged her breath scraped at her lungs.  
  
With what she had left, she pulled her reluctant hands from the pockets of her coat and began to her body back to the slight rock wall and makes her way up to the streets above and to the city.  
  
She was sure there were people up over the beached hill. She could slightly hear the whooshing of cars as they passed by in the raining flurry mixed with the sounds of the chaotic seas that are beginning to rise to where she laid now. About ten or so more feet, it would rise to meet her lonely end.  
  
She silently cried out for what could hear her, but it was hopeless. She was doomed. She could feel herself slipping grips and she grasped harder to life.  
  
However harder she clutched to life, the harder it burned to hold its grasp. It hurt. Every breath she tried to breathe ended up in a horribly bloody cough that triggered the many outbursts of others. Peaceful breaths were not available to her. The intake of air now consisted in between the coughing. Wheezes and pants are all that left her from losing seize of existence.  
  
It would be so much easier to let go and freeze to death, but a sorrowful sense of waiting refused to let her go. It felt as if she was hanging on a cliff, with one hand clutching to the cliff walls and someone else holding her hand, but it was her who needed to hoist herself from the drop to oblivion.  
  
With one last pull from her hand, she could no longer drag her body up the rocky hill. She collapsed behind a large bolder that kept her body from sliding down the slope.  
  
' I can't go on.' The terror of dying alone made her cry a silent cry. Her eyes began to burn from the warm tears that came into contact with the microscopic particles of the snowfall. She cried a sorrowful cry for what she would never see again.  
  
She would never see spring again. She would never see flowers blooming. Never see a spring rainfall. Never see a summer's day. Never see children running down the sunny beach shores laughing away their troubles. She would never see the naïve face of Sakura. She would never again be able to poke fun at Syaroan's shyness. Nor would she see her mother's face trying to make her breakfast, but failing in the end.  
  
The thing that hurt the most was that all she wanted was to please Eriol's wishes and now that she almost came to accomplishing so, she felt the rigid, bitter prick of resentment. Yes. What hurt the most of never seeing Eriol again.  
  
Never see him sleep on a car ride. Never see him swim in the sea. Never see him lie on his back on the sand again. Never dance and play in the wildflower meadows again. Never picking apples with him again. Never riding horses in the woods by the ranch. Never see him try to beat her running home. Never having breakfast with him. Never sleeping huddled on the same bed during a storm again. Never making him carry her on his back when she was too lazy to walk. Never seeing him pull up in the driveway to take her somewhere where they could have fun again. Never go to those dreadful dinner parties her mother made her go to with him again. Never dancing idiotically in front of random people in public again. Never. seeing him in this life again.  
  
Soon she'll never see in her body again. Never feel the touch of his hand. Never blink. Never breathe. Never hear. Or never smell in her body again.  
  
Thoughts of "never" raced through her mind, as she lay lifeless propped against a sea washed boulder.  
  
But as all situations seem to be hopeless, a ray of light always shines for a selfless being. God sympathizes for those who give up so much to promote the happiness of others. Soon her coughs would subside as she ready herself to burst through the storm and find peace.  
  
Soon she would hear the crunch of snow.  
  
Soon she would have something she was unable to reach in life. Soon the smile that she believed would never be genuine again will spread across her face and light the way where all other lights go out. 


	13. Still Waiting

Chapter 13: Still Waiting  
  
Sakura's palace was once again crowded with the bodies of many people. Some dancing, some talking, some eating, some laughing, some climbing the stairs to Sakura's many-mansion rooms doing only God knows what.  
  
Still there were about millions more people pouring into through the intricate French doors. There Sakura and Li stood waiting and greeting. But most of all waiting.  
  
It was of the seventh hour now and she still stood by the entranceway waiting for any sight of Tomoyo. It seemed an endless crowd of people came in, but none of them were Tomoyo. Sakura grew worried. Syaroan... Syaroan knew something was wrong.  
  
Still there was always an inkling of hope that Tomoyo would come with her mother in any minute. Sakura persistently stuck her head out every few minutes to see if Sonomi's car had pulled up to the valet. Syaroan, on the other hand, fidgeted with his watch every now and then.  
  
Soon, Sakura saw the head of bobbing ebony locks head to the door and she was almost jumping with relief and excitement that Tomoyo had made it to the mansion all right, but it wasn't her.  
  
It was a joyous Eriol. Arms hooked with his fiery ruby-haired wife. They stopped in front of their hosts.  
  
" Hello, Eriol. Hello, Kaho." Greeted the ever so gentlemen-like Syaroan.  
  
" Good evening, Syaroan. Good evening, Sakura."  
  
But however Kaho tried to catch Sakura's attention, she was unsuccessful and lost through Sakura's wandering eyes. Syaroan looked down at his wife and gently squeezed her hand.  
  
It was then that Sakura looked about and addressed the Hiiragizawa couple.  
  
" Hi, guys!" Eriol locked eyes with his wife and chuckled at Sakura's child-like happiness. After all, it was nearing Christmas and he could always remember her and Tomoyo running downstairs Christmas morning and ravaging at the many wrapped present under their pine tree.  
  
But then that happiness disappeared almost immediately as Sakura continued pursuing her nameless hunt for something in the crowd.  
  
Curiously, Eriol soon found himself searching the crowd as well and asking Sakura. " What are you trying to find, Sakura?"  
  
Syaroan glanced at Eriol bitterly. " She's looking for a person, dimwit."  
  
Kaho and Eriol, who had now moved out of the entranceway, stood by their hosts, all four looking at the side of the door for whatever that had seemed to catch Sakura's interest.  
  
Eriol whispered in Sakura's ear. " Who are you trying to find?"  
  
Sakura didn't care to meet his eye, she just replied simply to his question. " Tomoyo."  
  
Eriol jerked a bit from Sakura's head. ' Tomoyo...' he thought. ' He no longer knew what he felt about her. He wasn't sure if they were friends. If they were enemies. If they were only on speaking terms. He didn't know what his relationship was with her anymore.'  
  
" Oh." He simply said back.  
  
He stood still captured by his own thoughts.  
  
Kaho now conversed with Syaroan and voiced her worriment over Tomoyo's absence.  
  
" That is unlike her, Syaroan. Tomoyo is always prompt. She is not one who comes late to a party. Has she called?"  
  
" No, Kaho. Sakura and I spoke with her over the phone around an hour ago and she was still home. Then again, it takes her an hour max to get here, but it's been more than and hour and there is no sign of her."  
  
" Who was taking her?"  
  
" Her mother--."  
  
" SONOMI!" Yelled an over-relieved Sakura. Kaho, Eriol, and Syaroan jerked their hands quickly out the door. " Where's Tomoyo?"  
  
Sonomi stepped out of the black stretch limo and preceded her way up the steps to meet Sakura at the door. " Tomoyo?" She asked smiling.  
  
" Yes, Tomoyo." Sakura still wide eye with respite.  
  
Sonomi now stared skeptically at Sakura. " One of my secretaries had said that Syaroan had called and left a message for me, so I assumed he must've gone and picked up Tomoyo himself because I was a bit late coming home from work."  
  
Sonomi then glanced over at Syaroan. " Do-Do you mean that-that Tomoyo is not... here?" The four exchanged grim glances at one another.  
  
The realization soon hit Sonomi that her daughter was still home by herself waiting. " No!?" The words barely came out in disbelief. " No... I must go back and fetch her! She's still waiting!"  
  
Sakura gently clasped the hand of the senior Daidouji and led her to a seat by the door. " Shhh... I'll go get her auntie. It's ok. I just had thought that you were taking her. No, it was just a misunderstanding. It's still early to go get Tomoyo."  
  
Sakura stood up from her kneeled position and came to Syaroan's arms. She whispered in his ear. " What are we going to do, Syaroan?"  
  
" I'll go fetch her, Sonomi. You stay here with Sakura. I'll be back in less than an hour if I can help it." Syaroan beamed his cute smile and started shuffling his way to get his coat hung by the key rack.  
  
" Sakura, where are the car keys?" He straightened his coat and gaited back to the worried stricken Sonomi and his wife. " Well, I don't know. It's your car, honey."  
  
Syaroan stuck his hands into his coat pockets and futilely searched them over and over again trying to find the keys.  
  
Kaho tugged at Eriol's shirtsleeve. " Darling, why don't you take Syaroan and the two of you can go get Tomoyo while I help Sakura and Sonomi."  
  
" But---." Kaho gave him a confident nudge and pushed him in the direction of the door. " Don't worry, I'll be perfectly fine."  
  
Eriol walked over to Syaroan. " Oh, alright." He slipped on his coat and grabbed the car keys. He heaved a sigh and planted a kiss upon Kaho's cheek as Syaraon pretended to look out the door with disgust written all over his face.  
  
Syaroan grabbed Eriol's arm. " Ok, lover boy, let's go."  
  
It was after Sakura had closed the doors and Eriol was halfway down the steps dragged by Syaroan when Eriol jerked his arm back ferociously and yelled.  
  
" What the hell was 'that' all about?!"  
  
" Nothing." Syaroan got into the passenger seat and looked straight ahead.  
  
" What? You don't like Kaho?" He stuck the key in and revved the engine.  
  
" Temper, temper, Hiiragizawa."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
" Y-You were different back then. You had ... had better control of your feelings before. You've let them out, Eriol. You show real, unadulterated sentiments of anger and fury..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Temper...'  
  
He started the car and drove out the gates of the estate in silent contemplating.  
  
After a block, Eriol still hadn't spoken a word to Syaroan.  
  
" Uhh... this would be the time to retort your comeback at me, Hiiragizawa.... Hiiragizawa?"  
  
Eriol stared frozen in time hearing words he wished were never spoken to him. Heard words he wished he had never said.  
  
" Hey! Earth to Clow? Eriol? Fine. Don't answer. Let's hope the cat doesn't get your tongue when we arrive at Tomoyo's house. Must've been forever since you spoke with her. When was the last time you...?"  
  
Eriol stared transfixed at road with hard cold eyes. " Shut, Syaroan."  
  
Syaroan cocked a mischievous eyebrow. " Why?"  
  
" I said... SHUT THE HELL UP."  
  
Li was taken aback. " Woah, there. God, I'll stop. No need to go throwing all your anger out on me."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The rest of the trip was made in silence. Only the cold wind blew by and whistled through the little opening of the car window. A daunting whistle that mourned the winter season. A whistle crying out to be heard.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The house was dark for but maybe a little candle that sat itself by on the windowsill in Tomoyo's room.  
  
Syaroan glanced over at the robotically quiet Hiiragizawa with his hands on the steering wheel. " Aren't you coming in?"  
  
" No."  
  
" Why--?"  
  
" I said, No."  
  
" God, thought you'd be jumping for joy to finally see Tomoyo again."  
  
" We're just friends, you idiot."  
  
Syaroan opened the car door allowing dusts of snowflakes to float into the car and grace the black leather interior.  
  
" Who said you weren't?" He slammed the door a bit. Eriol, sat there waiting and watching as the relentless Li threw his hands against the door and kicked it open after a few knocks went unanswered.  
  
' What the hell?' Eriol wondered why Li would do such a foolish thing as to break down the door.  
  
But then, Eriol started to notice how long he had been wondering and thinking, hands frozen upon the steering wheel ready to take off. He fleeting looked at his watch. 7:55.  
  
He, himself, thought of going in and seeing what was up inside.  
  
But then he saw a slight figure at door waving at him.  
  
It was Li.  
  
He looked startled. From inside the car, he could hear Li yelling amidst the snowfall. " She's not there."  
  
Not there? Of course, she's there. That's where I left her doomed to wait for my forgiveness.  
  
She's sick. She can't go anywhere. No, not in this cold. Where would she be? Li was playing with his head. Of course he was. After all, he did ask me if I was going in to see her. It's a trick...  
  
He threw open the car door and ran towards the house slipping a few paces due to the snow.  
  
He hastily ran up the steps to her room, hoping, it was a lie. Hoping it was all a lie. That maybe... just maybe, Li was up to his antics.  
  
He turned the corner step before he reached the last step. Her door open ajar. A little light illuminating within the room. Li's hushed voice calling out her name, opening her closet, looking under the bed, shambling around the room and opening the windows calling out her name.  
  
He could hear his shoes knocking on the wooden floor. " Close the windows, Li."  
  
Li turned around surprised. " I thought you weren't coming in."  
  
" Where is she, Li?" Eriol asked ignoring Li's statement.  
  
" Does it look like I know right now?"  
  
A creak. " Did you hear that, Li?"  
  
Li halted his rantings and quietly neared a concentrated Hiiragizawa. Afraid to make a sound, he whispered airlessly. " What do you hear?"  
  
Lo! It creaks again.  
  
" That."  
  
" You mean, that creaking sound?"  
  
Eriol mutely nodded.  
  
" But I knocked down the front door."  
  
" Shhhh." Eriol cautiously walked out her bedroom door.  
  
" Hey! Where are you going?" Li hissed under his breath.  
  
" Go call Sakura and the others. Find the authorities... do something."  
  
Li rolled his eyes. " And what the hell are you going to do?"  
  
Li followed the descending Eriol down the staircase. " I'm gunna go find her."  
  
Eriol sent Li a brief glimpse and turned his back, running down the hallway into the kitchen. Li pulled out his cell and dialed for the mansion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I ran. Ran because I knew somehow that if I didn't, I'd never see her again. I headed toward the kitchen to the back door. There it was left partly open letting in a cool breeze that disturbed the kitchen fireplace. I opened it and cringed as miniscule snowflakes blew against my face.  
  
Footprints. Faded footprints, but they were there. I followed it to the backyard gate where, it too was left open and unlocked. I lightly pushed the metal clasp. It burned of cold loneliness.  
  
This led me to the little rock valley that her and I used to slip down from to get to the beach quicker. There it went straight to our beach shore. I had reached the final step when I felt lost. I couldn't feel her presence anymore. For about a mile out, all I could see was limitless sea and a trail of shuffled sand interlocked with particles of flurry.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
" TOMOYO!" He yelled. " TOMOYO!"  
  
He brushed a hand through his hair and glared about him aimlessly. He ran pointlessly down the beach shore. He was frustrated. Oh so frustrated. ' Where are you, Tomoyo? Please answer. Please answer. Come home. Come back to me.'  
  
Tears mixed with frost stung his eyes and he quickly wiped them away when he heard.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It's dark.  
  
Walking to salvation.  
  
Walking to light.  
  
Leaving this world.  
  
She could see it. There's no turning back. It's right there. But 40 paces more and she'll have peace. God, was bringing her home to serenity. Every time she stepped a tread, she could feel agony leaving. Evaporating from her body. Every step suppresses and forgets the past.  
  
Every step left Eriol. She knew it was better this way. Soon, she'll forget him completely. All she'll know is that she is damned to wait outside the gates of heaven until somehow, someone is able to save her. Then she'll wait... wait until he meets her here at the gates and then...  
  
" Tomoyo?"  
  
She stopped. It was none other. None other, but Eriol...  
  
Yea, sorry, this and the last chapter was kinda crappy. I've had so much homework and just this morning, I didn't even go to school because I woke up late. Mother threw a fit. Had so much hw due today in which I did at home. Had a huge test that will determine whether I pass by math class or not. Alright, read and review. Please do so, it tells me what I can do to make it better. Get your friends to read it, read it yourself, wutever. 


	14. Coming Home, Love

Chapter 14: Coming Home, Love  
  
There wedged behind a dark rock, she laid. Her porcelain face paler than the evening snow, her lips a pale petal pink, her ebony locks scattered upon the opposite colored snow shaming the black of oblivion. He followed the sand until he came to the end of the trail.  
  
From there on, a track of blood replaced it. Droplets of crimson stained the ground. Beads of it dispersed upon sand and snow taunting him and laughing at him. Making him stand on the edge of a knife, suspended in the air while he discovered what happened to his dear Tomoyo.  
  
And as he walked, he soon found her there. Where she was cruelly trapped behind a dark marble. A fallen angel bound to the granite.  
  
" TOMOYO!" He hastily darted to her. Half trying to deny what he saw in front of him. Panic surged painfully within his veins.  
  
" Tomoyo? No, Tomoyo. Love, wake up." He felt himself crying inside. Like a cub, he nudged her ever so slightly. " No, Tomoyo. Darling, please wake up." He refused to blink for tears fell threatening held by his eyes. Her body frozen and half buried under falling snow. He laced his arms under her legs and supported her back with his other arm. With her silk- locked head slumped against his chest, he plucked the plum blossom from the killing snow. He stumbled himself onto the deserted shoreline and screamed profanities at the higher power.  
  
He stared numbly at her "sleeping" form. 'That's it.' he told himself. 'She's sleeping. She's always sleeping. Like the last time... the last time.' He chortled maniacally in denial.  
  
He took one look at her motionless face and buried himself into her neck. He fell to his knees shaking with the sorrow that wholly consumed his being. " C'mon, Tomoyo. C'mon, I didn't mean it. I don't want you to-to leave me. Please don't go. Please?"  
  
His child-like pleading did nothing though. She was stone cold frozen. He wailed silently in absolute misery and called out in the night. Naively trusting that God would miraculously give Tomoyo her body back. " Come back to me, Tomoyo. One last time, come home with me and we'll grow old together. Remember? Just like you said." He sniffed innocently and wiped away frosted liquids that dried crystals upon his English face. He caressed her icy visage and thumbed her still soft lips urging her to breath. Planting a light kiss upon her forehead, trying to bring her back. Holding her, trying to let her feel the warmth he had to offer.  
  
Childishly speaking to her as if she could hear him. Trying to bring her back with memories held so close to his heart. His tear-strained face afraid to see her dead face.  
  
" We-we'll buy our very own island. Yes, just you and me. We'll wipe away the past, everyone. All we need is each other. There's no need for anyone else. If you don't come back, wha-wha-what will I do? Are you going to leave me, heart? Did you leave me without giving me anything to ease my life without you?"  
  
He watched as time passed by and she remained unmoved by his heart wrenching cries. " No, you're not gone. You're not, Tomoyo. Find your way home. Home to me." His weak tone persistent on persuading her to return to him. Whether she could hear him or whether she has long left her body.  
  
He felt the insuppressible trepidation loom uncompromisingly upon his soul. The untainted woe that swallowed him whole as he watched his dead Tomoyo lay cradled upon his lap and in his arms. He captured her closer to his body. Her head drooped perfectly in the curve of his collar.  
  
There, on the shore, he rocked her back and forth as he sat on snow- besmirched sand overlooking the frozen crashes of waves on waves. His arm wound tightly around the collapsing body of an angelic songbird. His hand clutching to the refined palm of her spiritless corpse.  
  
His unremitting whimpers trying to wake her initiated the harder crashes of waves as it cried for both him and the breathless nightingale.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She heard him, though. On the outskirts of life and death. She knew what lay behind her. A nameless shadow that threatened to attack if she refused pass over.  
  
The one that stood between her and Eriol. A force darker than jealousy and love. She was nearing the end of the tunnel. The light elucidated brighter at the end. It was a journey through which every pace lessened her memory of the life she had before, but every time she stepped, she remembered more and more of Eriol.  
  
Every cry he wailed, she heard. Every stab of reality that he tried to deny, she felt. Every memory they shared together that he recalled shone brighter in her mind. Every tear he shed broke her heart in pieces. Glass upon cement.  
  
So she turned unable to ignore it. " Please, Dark Shadow. Will you not let me go back to him?" Brimming sweet tears stopped by her lower delicate lashes.  
  
The lifeless brooding void slowly shook its head. Her head hung low as she turned back and continued a few paces more.  
  
" TOMOYO!!! GOD, TOMOYO!" His shout in desperate distress. His throbbing scream pierced into the air.  
  
She jumped at the vivid call. She shook her head lightly to stop her tears. Should she grieve for her own death? No, of course not. She grieved for the ones she left behind. She grieved for Eriol. The black figure approached and lifted her chin to its faceless hood prodding her to keep moving.  
  
She shook her head out of its dark grasp. Closed her eyes and inhaled a deep, aching breath. " No. Just for a moment. Please? I ask of no more. Only a bit. Just to say good-bye. I am not passed the tunnel yet. Please, there is still a bit of time left for me to run back. Just tell me when my time is up and I will go, but please, just to say a few words to him. To spare him of pain." Her graceful virtuous face importunate as she bit her lower lip to keep it from quivering. Waiting for the uncertain answer. Eagerly looking up to darkness, hanging on to the fool's hope that he would allow her to return.  
  
This time the shadow did not nod, nor did it give any significance to deny. It stepped out of her way. Surprised, she glanced doubtfully and then started in a sprint. A sprint for home.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She could feel the cold air again. The newly freezing breath of ice that met all whose spirit prepared itself to depart from the body. She made her last step and found herself tired and broken again.  
  
No. Not broken, whole in a sense, but no longer broken. She felt him. She could. His breath upon her back. His warm cheek pressed against her ear.  
  
Wrapped in the warmth of you... loving every breath of you.  
  
Her nerves snapped with utter life again and she started to feel every physical pain that racked her body.  
  
It was well worth it, though. She attempted to blink.... and did so successfully. Relaxing against Eriol, she basked in his presence. Closing her amethyst eyes and savoring the feel of his skin against hers.  
  
She could feel the motion of her mouth and the numbness of her tongue dissolving. On breathless air, she strivingly called. " E-Eriol?"  
  
Everything stopped at a stand still. The thrashing waves calmed itself, the flurry that fell hard before reduced to a light snowfall, and Eriol... sweet, sweet Eriol shook uncontrollably with disbelief and liberation.  
  
He slowly lowered her head from the support of his shoulders. His eyes sparkling next to the night sky among other stars. She lightly smiled at him. A soothing smile that pacified his suffering.  
  
" T-T-Tomoyo?"  
  
" Yes?" She stared at his face. She had it memorized and imprinted in her heart and mind so that even as she passed the valley of shadow, she will remember him still. Always.  
  
" You-you came back." He brought his hand to the edge of her lips as she beamed weakly at him.  
  
" Yes, Eriol. I heard you calling and I had to. I couldn't help it. Dear, dear Eriol. Why do you cry out? Had you not wanted me to go away? Had you not wanted desperately to erase me out of your mind?"  
  
" Noo." His engaging countenance contorted with guilt and agony washed over with horrible anxiety.  
  
Her snowy complexion softened in depression, her lips curved in a frown. She lifted her gracious hand and softly wiped a way a tear from his cheek. " Shhhh. Eriol, please don't cry. It's not the end. It's only the beginning. We'll meet again someday. I promised, remembered? Until you forgive me." He took her slipping hand it held it close to his face. Loving her light touch.  
  
She smiled reassuringly at him. He envisaged the epitome of reckless wretchedness. " What if I've already forgiven you? Will I see you again?"  
  
The naively sweetness of Eriol Hiiragizawa touched her heart kindly. " Love, why do you ask?"  
  
He whimpered his muffled response. " There was nothing to forgive, Tomoyo. If anything, I'd already forgiven you a long time ago."  
  
She released a gentle sigh. " Eriol, I'll find a way back to you. By any means, I shall still wait for you at the gates of heaven. I promise you that."  
  
The words cut into Eriol with finality. " No, Tomoyo. What do you mean? You're not leaving now are you? Oh, please no. Who will I be with if you leave?"  
  
" Kaho." As if by being forever condemned, he bit his lip bloody and violently shook his head.  
  
" I'm sorry, Eriol. I'm dying. I've been dying. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't let you know." Tear welled up in her sparkling amethyst eyes. " I hadn't the heart to tell you. I wanted to protect you from whatever pain I could have caused you. I couldn't bear to see you sad. I didn't want you acting weird and kept Kaho waiting. I couldn't stand knowing that I held you back."  
  
She tried to smile. " But I guess, I made it worse, didn't I?"  
  
Eriol's grief-stricken face stared at the rippling waters grimly. " It's not funny, Tomoyo."  
  
" I'm sorry, Eriol. I didn't mean it to be." She gently squeezed his shivering hands.  
  
" It's cold, Eriol. I'm going cold."  
  
Eriol heard it before. He wide-eyed panicked. " No! No! It's not you, Tomoyo. It's the weather." He uneasily smiled at her. " Yes, it's the weather. Tomoyo, you're not going cold. You see, it's snowing."  
  
His smile, however, diminished just as soon as he felt her fading. She wheezed in between her coughs and panted in between her words.  
  
Sweat beads clustered on her brow. " Eriol, you have to go on with Kaho. She loves you dearly."  
  
He shook his head frowning. Her voice lowered to a whisper as she gently brought both her poised hands to his quaking face. " Promise me."  
  
His face stretched with agony and hurt as he cried out. No, he didn't want to be with Kaho.  
  
" Yes." She shook her own head in reassurance, her eyes threatening to close...  
  
" She is so good to you, Eriol. Be good to her." She struggled to keep her eyes.  
  
Eriol knew when something was being taken from him and God was claiming Tomoyo.  
  
He lifted his twisted face upon the falling snow. " WHY DO YOU DO THIS? IS THIS MY PUNISHMENT? DO YOU TEST US? DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU! WHY CAN'T I KEEP HER?! Why?" He felt her touching his bleeding lip and trying to sit up. He looked down, his brows curved in sympathy. She slowly propped her arm against his thigh and lifted her head.  
  
Her forehead equal to his. Her eyes half open, but still bright. " I'll always love you, but it's time I have to go. He's calling."  
  
He brought his arm around her waist. " No." Like a little boy possessive over his teddy bear. " You can't leave. I won't let him take you."  
  
She placed her hand against his chest and lifted her head. " I'll be right here." A sad smirk spread across her face as she leaned in and kissed him gently.  
  
Ice water poured over her and she went.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She gripped blindly at the cold wall. She gathered air to her lungs in adjustment to breathe. There she was. On the steps invisible in between the entrance of the tunnel and where Eriol stared dazedly at her smiling dead body.  
  
The dark shadow waited on the steps, beckoning her to hurry. But she ran back to Eriol. She knew he could not see her, but she hoped he still heard her calling.  
  
She laid a peaceful hand upon his bent back and whispered in his ear. " Take me home." Surprised, he turned his head in her direction and looked her straight in the eye.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There she stood, a phantom. More like an angel. Draped in a white silken sheet. Her hair adorned with lovely pearls. There she was. Kneeling down to his destroyed soul. Asking him to take her home.  
  
Smiling to him as if nothing had happened. He looked at her in incredulously. Then looked down at her body. And back to her. " You..."  
  
She beamed ethereally. " Me." A dark shadow emerged behind and took her hand pulling her away.  
  
She remained happy and mouthed comfortingly " Don't worry." Waving goodbye.  
  
And there on her finger was bound a small string of hemp that he hadn't expected she would keep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A single ray of light crept its way into the crystallized cave. Shafts of light reflected off the precious wall and into the aqua pool inflicting an awe of radiance.  
  
At the opening of the secret cave, came in a boy. His hand clasped to a little girl two years his junior.  
  
" Eriol. What is this cave? Are you sure it's safe. If I get in trouble one more time because of you, I'll really pummel you straight into the ground."  
  
He continued his climb down the rocks. " HaHa, uh huh. Not if the thunderstorms get you first. Anyways, it's not like I've been here before. I just thought it'd be an adventure."  
  
He slyly smirked at her.  
  
She rolled her eyes. " That's real comforting. Keep your eyes on the path, stupid."  
  
" Fine, fine. Just cuz' you can't take my charming face."  
  
He would've expected a smack upside the head, but he looked back and saw her eyes sparkling and her mouth almost touching the floor.  
  
" Yea, that's what I thought Tomoyo. Just can't resist can you?"  
  
She made no response to his stupid compliment, though. She just looked on in front of him and stared in wonder. So he looked back as well.  
  
It was a sight to behold. A pool lined with soft, damp sand, lined with a dark limestone wall encrusted in glimmering mineral jewels. He pulled her to the sand where a ray of sun shone through from the roof.  
  
The mute Tomoyo suddenly went " Woooooaaahhh."  
  
" Yeeeaaaaa. Hey, hey! Look at this! He neared one of the walls where a clear rock jammed out of the wall."  
  
As young Master Eriol stupidly tried to pull one of the rocks out of the wall, Tomoyo twirled about like the little girl she was.  
  
Diziness overtook her and she stood in place for a while. " Eriol??"  
  
" What?!" His voice echoed from wall to wall.  
  
" Where are you, airhead?"  
  
" Over here!... over here... over here."  
  
" How the heck am I suppose to know where you are?! I'm just gunna sit here. Under the sunlight."  
  
Soon, he emerged from one of the cave openings with bloody fingers.  
  
She jumped to her feet and ran to him. She took his hands into hers. " What in the world did you do to yourself? Trying to find a way to blame things on me again, I'm guessing?"  
  
He pouted and attempted to pull away. She held on rigidly. " Stop it, you idiot. What were you trying to do anyways?"  
  
He hung his downcast eyes at the pool of clear water. He slid one hand into his flannel shirt pocket and pulled out a string of hemp.  
  
He kept his head low as he cautiously lifted his eyes to her concerned face. " I was trying to make you a necklace, but the crystal wouldn't budge. Instead, the dumb thing cut my fingers."  
  
Before he could look up again, he was on the floor. She had ran in and hugged him.  
  
He lightly pushed her off of him. They sat laughing in "their" cave billowing echoes everywhere. " You're so weird, sometimes, Eriol."  
  
" Only the best for Tomoyo! Here give me your hand."  
  
She skeptically pulled her sand stained hand from the ground. He placed her hand on his knee has he tried to wind the hemp several times around her finger and bowed into a knot.  
  
" There."  
  
She smiled at him. " What? No crystal?"  
  
He rolled his eyes. " I'll get you a diamond later if you want."  
  
Her eyes smiled sparkling at him and she stood up in her sand tarnished sundress and kissed him nimbly on his cheek. " You're funny, Eriol. C'mon, we better go. Nana will wonder where we are and why we're not eating her apple pies."  
  
He looked at her reluctantly before he decided he should speak. " Will you stay with me until we're both old and gray, Tomoyo?"  
  
She was already halfway up climbing the stones when she looked around at him still sitting in the secluded area of sunny sand. Her eyes shining innocently next to the crystal walls. She disappointingly shook her head at his question.  
  
He slowly got onto his feet when she called out to him. " No, Eriol. I won't stay with you until we're both old and gray. How could anyone possibly stick with you 'til then."  
  
He lifted his morose sapphire eyes to her high slight figure on the rocky steps.  
  
Her amethyst eyes glowed sarcastically and sincerely simultaneously while she lifted to show her hemp fasten finger. " No Eriol, I'll be with you longer than even forever. How could any girl resist being with such a debonair 10 year old as yourself. My world would just fall through. No, I'm just going to have to be with you longer than 'THAT'." She winked mischievously and returned mounting back up to the cave's mouth.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There he stood behind in the cave happy and assuming nothing could tear them apart.  
  
Trusting they would be together for an eternity. Unquestioning that there is no force stronger than the bond of their childhood friendship and love.  
  
But no, he was wrong.  
  
He was very wrong.  
  
Even though, she was there, she wasn't wholly there with him for the remainder of his life.  
  
In life, he half eagerly waited until it was his time to meet the freezing waters and in death, she stood in the sky, watching over him and his family.  
  
- The End -  
  
[A.n.] Sigh. and so ends the story. Is it really the end? Naaaaahhhh. Well. yea. That was basically the ending, but I guess I'll do the whole epilogue thing. Hope I get reviews. I mean. this is the end of the story really, and it would awfully suck if I didn't get any. So again, I really really appreciate the reviews. It does help me write the story and tells me what you like about it so I could make it stronger, but yea. So REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO..... REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. (^^). 


	15. Epilogue: Life Achieved Through Death

Epilogue  
  
Dearest Eriol.  
  
With much love, I leave you the deeds to the summer home and ranch where we have shared our fondest memories together. By this time, I would've already passed away. I lament that I could not share with you the details of my last days for it would have broken my heart to see you in sorrow. If indeed these are my last written words, I would like to confide in you that even after the days of our fateful crossing, I still thought of you. Until my death, I've thought of you. I do regret that we left on such ... regrettable terms and that I had hoped you left in peace, but as all things in this world goes wrong, you left in distraught. Well, I would like to say that I hoped I've completed every wish you have asked me to perform. I had gone out with the light of fulfilling your last wish. Live on like I intended you to. With Kaho and your children. I thank you for every happy moment that you've brought to my life and I assure you, you've brought me every possible happiness in the world. If you had done me sadness, do not burden yourself with any guilt for it has probably been of my own doing. I bid you farewell, Eriol.  
  
I love you, Tomoyo  
  
P.s. And Eriol... I have not run broken my promise. I'll see you at the Gates.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ ~^~  
  
After the day I read her rueful final testament to me, I promised I would live my life to its fullest... even though, deep down, in the crevice of my true being, I yearned ever more to see her.  
  
She had tried so hard to keep me happy and had known so much it would hurt to have me see her go that I could not fail her.  
  
After her leave, everywhere I had gone reminded me of her. Everyday of my life after she left me, I reflected on the life we had used to share together. Until one day, it dawned on me.  
  
As much pain as it had brought me, it had brought me unforgivable joy and unconditional love by someone who sat waiting for me as of the moment. You don't miss it until it's really gone... yes, I've heard that saying countless times, but I never cared to think of it until now. I finally understand the true meaning of it.  
  
I took her for granted. I never noticed how much she sacrificed for me. I wanted Kaho, she had helped. I wanted comfort, she had comforted. I wanted love, she had provided, though I had been too dense to notice.  
  
But I grew up. I had children of my own. I've bestowed my family with joys a husband and father could only give. When Tomoyo had died, a part of me died as well. I hid it, though. For I, too, could not bear to see sadness upon the children I loved so dearly. I promised to make Kaho happy and I tried. Though often she would wind her arms around me and I think she could fee; how distant I was inside.  
  
But as time went by, I watched my children grow. My son becoming a doctor and my daughter becoming a director. I saw happiness in the eyes of my wife, as she grew old with me sharing the many delights of parenthood. It brought me elation to see that I have finally done something right in my life.  
  
Now, I fear the end is coming. In a sense, a fear that all humans felt when the end came, but an excitement and eagerness to leave as well. For unlike many, I have someone waiting for me. I feel my old bones rejoicing in the youth again. I prepare myself as I take flight to once again reunite with the other part of my life. The one that would complete my soul and take me to serenity.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ ~^~  
  
He always was a good man. Always dedicated in making a life for his family. Always trying to make me happy even though, I knew I could never wholly have his heart. He never knew that I had known of his meeting with Tomoyo after our marriage. And I never confronted him with it. It just didn't feel right.  
  
I could still remember the day after she had gone when he came back to me. I don't know how much he had grieved, but the night he took me home, he had defiantly showed no sorrow.  
  
The way he touched me the few nights later illusioned me to believe the passion he disclosed. The fickle fire that made me burned endless 'til morning. Together we had two children. We had a somewhat perfectly life. Everyone had been happy. Everyone, perhaps, except for the man who gave all his own happiness away.  
  
True, he always smiled. He always laughed joyously when our family enjoyed times together, but in his heart, there was a part that remained untouched my human life. As much as I liked to deny it, I always had a hint that I could never make him whole. And maybe, that part of him was never meant to be made whole in life. At least not by me. In a way, you could say he lived his life in a lie, but then again life was a complicated web of many intertwined things.  
  
Five days ago, my husband passed away. I do not know if I should be happy or sad for him. He always seemed a little eager to leave. It always felt like there was some part of him that wanted to depart and escape. We all lead intricate existences and conceivably, Eriol had it the hardest, but in final conclusion, I've decided that I am happy for him.  
  
He had been a faithful husband, a good father, but above all... he had been the best actor.  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ ~^~  
  
He finally saw it. The entrance he remembered seeing so many decades ago. The doorway in which his true happiness had gone through. Now he met it, too, in his rejuvenated, young form. With it came a rush of unbelievable coldness as he lighted his final candle.  
  
He made his long journey in the dark pacing quickly. Every step came with a heartbeat and soon his paces outwitted his heartbeat as he broke into a sprint. He could feel it.  
  
An utter brightness that slowly pieced the missing shards of his partly isolated heart. A fullness that occupied his incomplete void.  
  
Then he distinguished the light at the end of the tunnel. The ever-used cliché that now appeared before his eyes. A blinding, warm luminosity that shined more brilliant as he quickly approached it.  
  
Like a moth pulled into the radiance, he willingly came forward meeting it head on with fervent opened eyes.  
  
It stung wonderfully. In all his completion, it no longer hurt. He was blinded.  
  
With this blindness, he reached out as he overcame the final doorway. A hand he could feel. A hand that was smooth and refined. Soft as a summer's breeze, but as reassuring as the foundations of the earth.  
  
He blinked his eyes countless time before he could figure out the haze that stood before him. Until he saw the ethereal golden bars that was marked by two alabaster columns.  
  
There. there she was. Smiling ever so radiantly. Bending down on both knees to greet him. He could see her clearly now. He saw her as he did the last time he was still on earth. A silken robe that graced her thin, milked-stained figure and heavenly pearls that laced her shining obsidian locks.  
  
He highered his eyes awestruck. Jaw wide open as he had done when she told him she was going to the prom with someone other than himself.  
  
He, with the help of the angel, slowly brought myself upon my feet. Like time has stopped, there they once stood again. The young master Eriol and the young mistress Tomoyo. Frozen in a picture. He locked his eyes with hers. And even after death, she still smiled bashfully as he lifted her chin and cupped her face with his hands.  
  
And for the first time after she had gone, he smiled genuinely and slowly plied her rose petal lips. He lightly bit her lower lip and plunged passionately into their long awaited kiss.  
  
Wordlessly, he reluctantly pulled away as she met his eyes, tugged on his freshly-pressed white collared shirt sleeve, and led him home.  
  
Like most stories ended... living, if you could say, happily ever after. 


End file.
